Which Bristol Uni societies would the cast of Celebrity Traitors join?

With reading week fast approaching and deadlines beginning to creep in, a safe haven is found in the 2 blissful hours of Celebrity Traitors every week. Whether you are watching on a cosy night in to escape from the cold, or as a warm-up for Thekla Thursday pres, it is the perfect antidote to academic burnout. 

So naturally, I’ve taken it upon myself to match this year’s cast with Bristol uni societies, based on absolutely nothing besides my own judgement. Take these pairings with a pinch of salt.

Richard E. Grant- Reenactment Society

via BBC Iplayer

He would be the most committed member of Reenactment Society. While everyone else is happy to throw on a vaguely mediaeval tunic, he’d arrive in a historically accurate outfit with a full character backstory. Get him on the downs, give him a shield, and let him loose.

James Acaster – Hat Society

via BBC Iplayer

 Look at him. He’s a hat guy. I will not be elaborating further.

Jerry Hall – GigSoc

via BBC Iplayer

With a decades-long modelling career accompanied by many nights at Studio 54, and enough rock-star connections to fill the Bear Pit, Jerry Hall would be GigSoc’s secret weapon. Everyone else is still working out how to ask a band for a favour, and she’d just ring someone.

Maya Jama – Pilates Society

via BBC Iplayer

Front row, matching set, immaculate posture, and no signs of struggle. She’s finishing a reformer class, heading straight to The Juice Jar for an acai bowl, and she looks better than everyone who’s just rolled out of bed for a 10 am. Her post-class flat white photo gets more likes than the society’s actual page.

Miranda Hart- Dance Society

via BBC Iplayer

After an unforgettable take of Little Mix’s ‘Touch’ routine, Miranda makes every rehearsal into a spectacle. She’d learn the choreography faster than anyone, with full commitment to every move. Half the society would be learning the routine to keep up, and the other half would be there just to watch her.

Leigh-Anne Pinnock – Cocktail society

via BBC Iplayer

Between the classy formals, paint and sip evenings and mixology classes, the society is basically made for her. She’d be the events secretary, holding strong views on garnishes and booking out Clifton’s fanciest venues for formals months in advance.

King Kenny- The Fighter Bristol 

via BBC Iplayer

Kenny would sign up for The Fighter Bristol and would be the only person who mentions it more than the organisers. Every conversation would find its way back to boxing, whether it’s in the Beckford Bar queue or a seminar. He’d walk into the ring blasting his own song, and he’d be defending his loss in Circuit a month later.

Romesh Ranganathan- Fishing

via BBC Iplayer

His sarcastic one-liners and reluctant charm would land him a position on the committee, probably as treasurer. He gives off serious dad energy: flask in hand, fleece zipped up to the chin. He’d moan about the queue at the Brass Pig and the price of a pint on pub crawls, then turn up to the next one anyway. He’d never admit to enjoying a minute of it, least of all to Rob, who keeps trying to drag him to ASoc instead.

Rob Beckett- ASoc

via BBC Iplayer

Rob has somehow secured a permanent spot at ASoc. He’d be turning up to the White Harte every Thursday, laughing a beat too early at jokes he hasn’t heard the end of, and insisting he’s basically an honorary member. He has even put his name down for the annual ‘Take me out’ event, convinced he’s the wildcard. Romesh has declined every invitation to join him, and Rob has simply taken that as a ‘maybe’

Amol Rajan- QuizSoc

via BBC Iplayer

This one practically writes itself. As the presenter of University Challenge, Amol spends his working life holding the answer card, so QuizSoc is hardly a fair fight. He’d walk into the White Harte pub quiz on a Sunday already knowing the answers and probably correct the quizmaster’s pronunciation while he’s at it. He would absolutely be the teammate everyone fights over.

Bella Ramsey – Spotlights

via BBC Iplayer

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Bella would be the drama soc fresher who’s already been in everything and is still the nicest in the room. They’d remember everyone’s name and ease people’s nerves. They’d put a pirate hat on a fellow cast member after the show, an act of pure kindness that at least one person in the room would be reading far too much into.

James Blunt- Run Club

via BBC Iplayer

James Blunt has spent The Celebrity Traitors looking like he’s about to lead an 80s aerobics class, so Running Club feels like a fitting choice. Between the tracksuit and the matching sweatband, he’s one pair of retro trainers away from representing Team GB at the 1984 Olympics. You just know he’d be sprinting up Park Street after a night out at OMG.

Joanne McNally – Netball 

via BBC Iplayer

Joanne is 100 per cent a centre. She has the stamina to run the whole court and make it to Angels at La Rocca every Wednesday. The umpire is biased, the other team is cheating, and goal attack is definitely up to something. The opposition wouldn’t stand a chance, because they’d already be too busy defending themselves.

Joe Lycett-Art Society

via BBC Iplayer

Joe would be in Art Society based on the strength of his Instagram alone, which is basically a portfolio with better captions. With a portfolio that includes portraits of Harry Styles as well as Liz Truss, paint and sip at the Hope and Anchor is the perfect playground to knock out his next print. He’d campaign for a whole term to be social secretary, as desperately as he wanted to be a Traitor, and still miss out.

Julie Hesmondhalgh- Cheese Society

via BBC Iplayer

A wholesome pairing. After years of playing Hayley Cropper in Coronation Street, she deserves a quiet life involving a cheeseboard and a glass of wine as opposed to the endless drama of Weatherfield. She certainly has the warmth and general energy of someone who would happily spend an evening discussing the merits of a good mature cheddar. Finally, a social where the biggest betrayal is someone finishing the brie.

Michael Sheen – Debate Society

via BBC Iplayer

He’s played both Tony Blair and David Frost, so he’d argue either side of any motion with total conviction. He’d round everyone up for a pub social, decide which side the group is on and leave with a unanimous result that nobody can quite explain. Warm, persuasive and exactly who you’d follow into a bad decision the night before your 9 am.

Myha’la – Fashion Forward Society

via BBC Iplayer

While we didn’t see enough of her on the show, Myha’la was undoubtedly the coolest traitor in the castle. Swapping Harper Stern’s corporate power dressing for understated cardigans and perfectly layered neutrals, she knows exactly how to pull off that effortless vibe. She’d be hitting every charity shop on Gloucester Road on a Saturday, debuting her new pieces down Woodland Road on Monday.

Professor Hannah Fry – Poker Society

via BBC Iplayer

Hannah would have everyone’s tells figured out by the first round, which makes it all the more painful that she couldn’t lie as a Traitor to save her life. I guess her poker face is the one thing the maths can’t fix. Still, Hannah would absolutely clean up at Poker Society – imagine trying to bluff a woman who can mathematically explain how badly you’re about to lose your money.

Ross Kemp – Expedition Society

via BBC Iplayer

Ross has spent years venturing into some of the world’s most dangerous places, but it’s The Celebrity Traitors that really made him paranoid. He’d join the Expedition Society for the climbing trips and spend the whole drive suspicious of everyone in the car, convinced the person who volunteered to drive is up to something. 

Sebastian ‘Bash’ Croft – Korfball

via BBC Iplayer

Bash at Korfball is a pairing that feels suspiciously right. He may not fully understand the rules, but the commitment is total. It’s one of the more wholesome societies, where everyone loves it, and loves explaining the sport to people who have never heard of it. His enthusiasm fits right in. Somehow he makes it onto one of the BUCS teams, and when he’s on the sidelines, he’d have a hand-painted sign for every teammate. 

Sharon Rooney – Pantosoc

via BBC Iplayer

Her facial expressions could carry the whole show on their own, which is exactly what PantoSoc needs. A single raised eyebrow would take the theatre by storm, and she’d be cast as the dame instantly. As one of the most chilled-out members of this year’s Celebrity Traitors cast, she’d stay unbothered while everyone else panics about missed cues and misplaced props.

Featured image via BBC.