Where to find drugs on campus: The definitive guide to getting high

Kitted out with a plethora of drug testing kits, the Tab went around campus to see what surfaces had been used to sniff drugs off. The swabs turn a baby blue hue if they pick up traces of cocaine, crack or a selection of other powders.

First we went to the most obvious place, East Slope Bar toilets, the results are hardly going to blow you away. The surface around the sink came up with traces suggesting some naughty buggers have been using the surface for other things than hygiene.

We thought it would be funny to try and swab the pool table as well, however, except for the dirt it picked up, it did actually pick up some traces of cocaine. Tis a bold move sniffing a line in the middle of the bar, but maybe they racked up enough courage.

While in the East Slope ends, we bumped into a guy, and asked to swab his keys. But he came up clean.

Moving on to the library, we swabbed the toilets, and it went seriously blue… Cut it out guys, as The Verve once said “The drugs don’t work”.

Then we tested some sex books, we tried “Whores in History” and “The Intimates Adventures of a London Call Girl”. They came up clean, but the sex books did make me snort a little though.

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We dabbed one of those private study booths upstairs in the library, and surprisingly it tested positive. Looks like nobody nose how to take work seriously anymore.

We headed off to the Co-op to get some cash-back, the money from the till showed only the tiniest mark of blue. I wonder what students are using to sniff nowadays if they’re not using keys or rolled up notes, something just doesn’t quite line up.

The top of the laundry machines tested negative for any drugs. Turns out all the white powder is laundry soap; apparently the launderette is not all its cracked up to be .

We hit the playground to see if any nutters had been doing some parkour sniffing, but they came up clean as well. Should have known the wind and rain would have cleaned any traces anyway; blew our chances there.

Finally we finished our investigation in the Falmer bar toilets, unsurprisingly they tested positive. Students hey, who says we’re not living the high life?

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