Things to think about if you’re having a bad day

It’s really common for people to have a hard time at university. It could be because you’re struggling with your mental health, your physical health is getting you down or life just isn’t going the way you planned. You might feel like things will never get better, and you might feel a bit lost. After I wrote an article about anxiety, lots of people contacted me saying they had the same thing (you’re not alone), and that they weren’t sure how to manage it or deal with it.

One way of helping yourself is *self-care*.  It’s pretty self-explanatory – it’s just about focusing on caring for yourself and looking after yourself in the way that you might care about others. It can do you a world of good when nothing else can, and if you’re having a hard time, focusing on self-care is the kindest thing you can do for yourself.

This doesn’t mean you shouldn’t go to the doctors if you feel like you need it, or that medication is redundant (it isn’t) but it can be a super empowering and effective way of helping yourself.

Some things to remember:

• If life’s fucking you gently with a chainsaw (to quote Veronica Sawyer), it’s easy to be especially hard on yourself, and blame yourself for what’s happening. I would like to remind everyone that you are important, that you matter, and that whatever you’re going through at the moment is going to be okay eventually.
• If anyone says that you’re not allowed to feel down, or that maybe you just need to ‘buck up a bit’, ignore them. If anyone tries to make you unhappy, get rid of them. Be ruthless. As my friend Flo once wrote, ‘be incredible, be fearless, be mind-glowingly insane. Don’t satisfy the wishes of others, satisfy your own’. Treat yourself with compassion. Spending time learning to be your own favourite person (harder than it seems but not quite as narcissistic as it seems) is a really important thing.
• You are enough – you’re not broken and you don’t need fixing! (See the twitter hashtag #medicatedandmighty for more about this).
• You’ve survived every day so far so chances are you’ll get through tomorrow as well
• Remember your own achievements rather than concentrating on other people’s
• Thoughts are not facts. If your mind is telling you horrible things, or if your anxious thoughts are snowballing, it might be your mind making things up rather than telling you the truth.
• If you need therapy – that’s okay. LOTS OF PEOPLE DO. Try Oxford Uni Counselling or Counselling Options Available in Oxford through the NHS.

Some self-care things to do if you’re having a bad day:

• Talk to yourself the way you would talk to a friend – with compassion, kindness and understanding.
• Spend some time doing things that really matter to you. Maybe it’s painting, maybe it’s writing, maybe it’s watching Netflix, but whatever it is do it with a completely guilt free attitude. This may be a controversial opinion considering the Oxford environment but your state of mind is more important than your work.
• Exercise. I hate exercise. I hate sweating, I hate the burn you get in your muscles and I hate that if you go to a class you’re essentially paying a stranger to shout at you and make you feel pain. HOWEVER. However. It can do you a world of good if you can get through it and make it a regular commitment. An hour spent solely on yourself can give you a new sense of purpose – if you don’t fancy cardio, try yoga. It’s essentially an hour of being kind to yourself whilst getting flexible. Dreamy.  Any exercise – even if you just go for a brisk walk in the sun – can do magical things for your mindset.
• Keep your living space tidy and clean. This might sound obvious but a tidy room = a tidy mind. Keeping potted plants in your room can make you feel calmer and also make you look like you have your life together, so that’s a bonus.
• Spend time with your family and friends. If you’re finding it hard to love yourself, spending time with people who love you can remind you why you’re pretty fucking great. To quote Flo again, ‘you were made so that someone could love you. Let them love you’.
• Mindfulness and Meditation are popular for a reason! It can really really help. If you suffer from panic attacks, this can be a magical way out of them. This book is amazing.
• Eat properly! Eat vegetables! Eat fruit! (Eat cake!)
• Make a self-care playlist. My personal self-care favourites:
  Beyonce-Flawless
  Don’t Be So Hard on Yourself – Jess Glynne
  Aint Got Far to Go – Jess Glynne
  No Woman No Cry – Bob Marley and the Wailers
  Stella by Starlight – Miles Davis and Mark Wilder
  Shine On You Crazy Diamond – Pink Floyd
  Blueberry Hill – Fats Domino
  (If you enjoy feeling empowered by a crushing of patriarchy then skip the queue and go straight to a beautiful mix of TLC and Destiny’s Child).

If you’re having a really rough day (or just want to make a good day even better) give one of these things a go. This is by no means professional advice (although both therapists and doctors have told me about the wonder of self-care), it’s simply things that have been recommended to me or I’ve picked up along the way and have helped me.

You may have heard the phrase ‘In a society that profits from self-doubt, loving yourself is a rebellious act’. Be rebellious and soon you’ll be loving yourself as much as Kanye loves Kanye.