Here are 10 York things that would send a Victorian Child into a coma

9. The Popworld revolving dance floor

The best trend on TikTok right now is people talking about things that would send a Victorian child into a coma, from 29p energy drinks or one puff on an Elf bar to Women’s rights. But what if a Victorian child was at Uni of York in 2022? Just one look at York and Long Boi would be enough to push a Victorian child over the edge. So here are ten York things that would absolutely send a Victorian child into a coma:

1. Blue Shits

A York speciality: a lovely little combo of triple vodka and blue lemonade. Letting a Victorian loose with just one blue shit would be enough to send them into coma. The artificial sugar mixed with the sheer amount of alcohol would leave them buzzing for days. Alongside the shock of an alarming blue tongue, it’s a recipe for disaster.

2. Salvos Smoking Area

With a conservative outlook on intimacy being intended for the bedroom only, there is no doubt that one look of the weird place that is Salvos smoking area would send a Victorian child into shell-shock.

3. The 66 bus

Firstly, it’s public transport. Secondly, the 66 bus is almost enough to put me into a coma. Thirdly, I feel being forced to stand in such close proximity to a York uni student would be too much for a Victorian child’s immune system.

4. Central Hall

Bit of a rogue choice, however I do think a Victorian child would think it’s an actual UFO, and that when we graduate we are also abducted. Or maybe that it’s a time machine that will take them back to a place without blue shits and long ducks x

5. Long Boi

Via @longboiyork

Long Boi is enough to send ANYONE into a coma (including Greg James). But I think less Victorian child, and more just Charles Darwin wouldn’t be able to comprehend what it was and why he exists.

6. Women in STEM

I think gender equality would really throw them off.  Women being able to publish their own work using their actual names?? And yes I do consider myself a woman in STEM as an English and History student, because one of my lectures is in the physics building x

7. Tang Hall

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Faint mutters of “what’s a roadman?” before being sent fully into a coma when seeing the audacity of such black market deals being committed in broad daylight. However, they can relate to rowdy 11 year olds pickpocketing, so that wouldn’t come as too much of a shock.

8. A Salvos sports social

“Anything but clothes” would not only put a Victorian in a coma, but full on kill them off for someone who thinks showing an ankle is exposing yourself.

9. The Popworld revolving dance floor

One spin round on this bad boy with ABBA blaring in the background and a VK in hand will have a Victorian child in a coma instantly.

10. Any post-night out kebab shop

The amount of oil and sauce used to drench a kebab in would be more than enough to hospitalise anyone whose diet consists of steamed meat and vegetables only. Imagine the scenes of a Victorian child in Efe’s or Oki’s.

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