If your college was a Nando’s order, this is what it’d be

We’re back answering the important questions in life


When you start at the University of York, you will have a million and one questions. "Will I like my course?" "Will I make friends?" and "Will I enjoy the nightlife?" are among the common worries that students have.

But there is one question that occupies every student's mind, morning, noon and night. One question that you simply CANNOT go without an answer to. A question so important, it renders other questions insignificant.

"If my college was a Nando's order, what would it be?"

Fear not freshers (and returners), read on as we have all the answers.

Derwent – Wing roulette

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You have to be either an absolute mad-man or an absolute legend to order this. Luckily, Derwent is full of both. The wild unpredictability of a wing roulette is exactly the same kind of unpredictability that you get with Derwent students.

Alcuin – Lemon and herb chicken butterfly (no sides)

Alcuin students LOVE to play it safe – why else would they have opted for accommodation so close to the library?

With a Chicken Butterfly, you know exactly what you're going to get – two boneless chicken breasts joined together. The only way it could get any safer is if you went for Lemon and Herb with no sides, which is exactly what Alcuin students do.

Wentworth – Nando's full platter

Wentworth students have been at the University of York for longer than they care to admit, but the one giveaway is that they probably have a wife and kids because they are literally so old.

Therefore they go for the full platter, so many mouths to feed!

James – Extra hot double chicken burger

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People who order a double chicken burger at Nando's only do it for the bragging rights. Equally, that's the only reason people order extra hot. James students even go for that black sauce – they're the loudest people on campus and they're just looking for reasons to remind you they exist.

Vanbrugh – Supergrain salad (no chicken breast)

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Vanbrugh students are Derwent's more tame younger cousins, and as a result won't dare to go for anything as risky as the wing roulette. Despite having set foot in a chicken restaurant, all you'll find Vanbrugh students eating is the supergrain salad because they're probably vegan aren't they.

Goodricke – Spicy rice

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Everyone loves Nando's spicy rice but no-one goes into Nando's solely with the intention of ordering it. Goodricke students are a little like that – everyone likes them, but no-one's really going to York with the intention of befriending and/or pulling them.

Constantine – Houmous with peri-peri Drizzle

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Probably the most middle-class meal on the Nando's menu, which describes Constantine students perfectly. A cut above the rest, but like with Goodricke, they're not the reason people go to York.

Halifax – Regular chips

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Halifax is located in between Hes East and Hes West, meaning that it is often forgotten about by non-Halifax students. In the same way, regular chips at Nando's are forgotten about because of the objectively superior Peri-Salted Chips. Nando's regular chips are the perfect metaphor for Halifax.

Langwith – Medium grilled chicken wrap with peri-salted chips

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Langwith is one of the original colleges and the grilled chicken wrap is one of the oldest items on Nando's menu. Seasoned with medium spice and accompanied by a side of peri-salted chips, it's difficult to find much wrong with it. Doesn't mean that there aren't better options though!

The Tab York

last seen today at 07:39

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