A guide to being the best social sec

Surprisingly, it’s not at all about being social and liking sex


Being social sec of a society or club is cracking fun, orchestrating organised chaos on a weekly basis.

Me and my pal Max Palfreman are social secretaries of the best college football club on campus, Derwent AFC.

Not only is our club the best at football (forget the College Cup, we have a league title for every student bedroom in Halifax), but our socials always go off, and at the end of the day, thats far more important.

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Our club is that good, we’ve actually won awards for it.

As a sports club, our main job as social secretaries is getting people out every Wednesday, and whilst en route to the club, trying to minimise the amount of people going missing and/or vomiting along the way.

We are not the archetypal laddy social secs that perpetually yell “Down it fresher!!” week in week out. Getting people involved and having fun are key to doing a good job. As wet as that last sentence was, the future of your club depends on new people getting involved and staying involved. Not everyone wants to drink a pint out of a shoe, and the sadists who enforce this type of behaviour might have some interesting internet history.

Here is a checklist to being the best social sec, followed by some of the themes that we have done which you are free to use. Max and I are tired of being the unchallenged champions of the social sec game. We relish a challenge. If you think you’re better, come and find us stumbling from Society to Salvos every Wednesday.

Inventive themes

Be experimental, outlandish, challenge the status quo. If you have to google ‘what is a good idea for a social’ or ‘funny dressing up themes’ you might as well just give up.

The theme for the below social was to pay our respects to Max who had contracted glandular fever so we all dressed up in scrubs to avoid catching it.

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No peer pressure

As much as this may make me sound like chief superintendent of the fun police, making people do stuff that they really don’t want to because you think it will be funny just makes you a dick.

I am open to hearing explanations as to why you would wear suits to a hot and sweaty club every single week.

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There’s nothing like a bit of public shaming on your club’s Facebook page.

If something goes wrong, people deserve to hear about it.

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Discourage serious use of slang such as ‘lad’, ‘banter’, and ‘squad’

The only reason I want to be vomiting on a night out is if I’ve been a total legend and drunk more than my body accepts to put up with, not because of your bilious chat.

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Satisfied clubbers enjoying a Wednesday social free from horrendous ‘youth speak’.

Chants for the bus into town

The bus ride into town can be one of the best parts of the night, and chanting is expected. Otherwise how will people know that you are the biggest group of legends on campus?! If you have heard such classics as “I would rather be a sausage than an egg” or “Viva lasagne”, you are welcome.

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If you have found a society or club that you enjoy being a part of, you should definitely consider becoming the master of ceremonies for social events. You get to know everyone in your club much better and it only enhances your university experience.