An ode to Efes
O cheesy garlic bread, where would we be without thou?
It’s closing time. You’re tired, you’re drunk, and you can hardly stand up. You’ve had a cracking time on the dancefloor, maybe even pulled, but as you fall out into the cold dark street at 3am you just can’t shake the feeling there’s something else you’re looking for.
Well there is: it’s Efes Pizza. The takeaway on Heslington Road which you initially thought to be no more special than any other at the beginning of freshers’ week has turned into the be-all and end-all of every night out. Here’s why.
Mr Efe is a character who we all want to see after a hard night in Kuda. If you go often enough he’ll recognise your face and remember your usual order. He truly makes Efes feel like a home from home. Like a night-time dad to the Uni of York populous, Mr Efe looks out for our sad, cold, drunken selves by selling us much needed deep fried foods for reasonable prices. If you’re lucky he’ll even throw in a free can of pop with your pizza.
It’s not just Mr Efe who’s great though, the whole Efes crew are stars. They’ll greet you with smiles as you mumble your desperate want for fried chicken. With time, you’ll even start to feel like one of the family.
Sometimes on your way home you can’t decide what you want to eat. But that’s OK, because Efes’ endless Menu provides an option for every food mood. Efes will give you all the necessary basics, whether it’s cheesy chips with gravy, chicken nuggets or onion rings. But if you’re feeling adventurous you also have the tasty but unusual choices which big corporations like McDonalds don’t put on offer.
Efes’ pizzas in particular are something of a speciality, offering 52 different toppings – a different pizza topping for every week of the year, including the unique “York Special” and “Chef’s Special Pizza” you’re not likely to get anywhere else. Not satisfied with just having cheesy chips as they are? The “London Pizza” allows you to have them with Pizza sauce on top of a pizza base.
If you’re really hungry, Efes offers something for those with an especially big appetite: the Mega Burger gives you three burgers in a bun rather than just the boring old one, and ordering the King Sized Donner Kebab results in being handed a mountain of meat which you won’t quite be able to comprehend. What’s more, the wide selection of sauces are free for your own use so you can squirt yourself a mountain of mayonnaise, ketchup or burger sauce to go with that mountain of donna kebab meat. If you get chips, don’t forget to douse them in chip salt.
You can’t deny it: the Efes experience is a flavourful one – and one you can always rely on. Despite typically being the end location of your drunken escapades, Efes doesn’t just have to be your destination after nights out. Open from 4pm till 4am, it’s there for you at dinner time if you’re feeling lazy. It’s there for you in times of stress as you make late night walks back from the library, and it’s there for you when you need a celebratory Calzone due to finishing your assignment at 3:30am.
What’s more, Efes will deliver to you, meaning you can order a pizza to help get you through those grim all-nighters during exam season. So let’s be honest, as you stumble to town, giddy on Lambrini, the true reason for your excitement for the night? It’s not Salvation. It’s the thought of those four hours later, when you’ll crawl into that small beacon of light to be greeted with Mr Efe’s face and that long-awaited chicken burger and chips that you couldn’t ever live without.
Efes – don’t ever leave us.