Our guide to end of exam road trips

Exams are over, you’re putting off going home to your parents, what else to do than pile a load of your friends in a car and go exploring. 

Seems simple enough, say “road trip” the day after the last exam, everyone is keen, they jump in the car and you travel to some unexplored scenic place in the Yorkshire Moores.

No. That doesn’t happen. Road trips are only good if planned well. So here’s The Tab’s guide to that road trip you will no doubt fuck up without our help.

Passengers

Forget the location, the petrol debate, the perfected playlist and the mountain of Home Bargains’ best snacks for a second.

Think very carefully who you want to share this legendary journey with. Road trips are not for the faint of heart and especially not for someone you fancy.

Whoever is tagging along will see your proactive bladder, will hear your pathetic excuses for nearly crashing into that old couple and will hear you ruin all of their favourite songs.

“Sometimes it’s the journey that teaches you a lot about your destination” Drake

Couples are also a no-go. It’s a long day in your Ford Ka with a bickering pair in your back mirror. Or even worse, you and your shotgun-ee trying as hard as possible to talk over the game of tonsil tennis in the back which has been rallying on for 20 minutes.

Destination

Smells like sadness and Turkey Twizzlers

When your quite frankly, shockingly bad, Sat-Nav remarks “You have reached your destination”, you don’t want to look around and wonder what that gas-plant is pumping out of its chimney. It’s 4pm, so why is there a shady and skantily dressed woman is winking at you from the corner of the road.

Stick to beaches or hills. Walking, stretching your legs and replenishing your energy from your legendary rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody which would quite frankly put Wayne’s World to shame, is something you are gonna want to do away from the concrete jungle.

Go to Devon or The Lake District, breath some unsulfonated air for a change.

Playlist

You can risk the radio if you’re disorganised, but having a shuffled, tailor-made playlist of absolute anthems blasting at you through your speakers and being bellowed back at you by your sugar-filled and majorly out of tune crew is absolute perfection.

Scaramouche, Scaramouche, will you do the Fandango?

Don’t lose your audience with deep house anthems. Some safe bets include; Queen, Cascada, S-Club, Wombats, Journey, Ed Sheeran, Robbie Williams and Black Eyed Peas.

Sleeping

You could shell out £50 each for a hotel in hope of some creature comforts or you can not be a spoiled brat and pack some blankets and pillows in your boot. Get your laptop loaded with some corking movies and crash in your pimped Skoda. This is where having no couples comes in extra handy.

“No, I want to be Little Spoon”

It’s gonna get cold with the engine off so blankets and McDonald’s Hot Chocolates will be very much needed!

Finally

• Stay clear of bank holidays – too many screaming children and angry parents
• Energy drinks are really not a good idea on a long trip. Avoid crash and burn.
• Service stations are expensive. Pack supermarket-loads of food
• Find a place to park up first, you don’t want to be lost and running on fumes
• Turn your phones off. The entire trip doesn’t need documenting on Snapchat
• Don’t forget to bring USB charger leads and cigarette lighter adapters
• Bring deodorant. It’s gonna get stuffy

“Nah take the next left”, “Mate that’s the fucking sea”