We asked for your worst Warwick Valentine’s stories, and wow, some of these are horrendous

‘I told a girl I loved her during sex and she said “less of that”‘

Dating at Warwick was hard enough before, adding in a pandemic and a national lockdown really hasn’t done much to ease the awkwardness of our uni love lives.

To celebrate Valentine’s day at Warwick this year then, we thought we’d dive into the minefield that is Warwick’s worst romantic confessions and share the horror stories. It seems as if the old myth is true; the smarter the uni, the more painful the dating life is.

For those of you in relationships, maybe you’ll appreciate just how miraculous your situation is. For the rest of you lonely souls, reading this should make you realise that despite your terrible dating life, there’s always someone who’s had it worse. It’s schadenfreude at its finest.

Max, second year, English Language

“I asked her out for lunch, and had written her a poem confessing my love. When I got there, she was making out with a guy she had met 3 minutes before I had arrived.”

Lesson learnt, arrive early to your dates. No one wants to be sat alone at Pret.

Lola, fresher, Rootes C Block

“I know this sounds really bad but I took this guy home, and he got undressed, and well… he wasn’t very well endowed. So I said “I’m sorry, that’s not good enough,” and kicked him out.”

Women of Warwick set the bar high, apparently. Definitely the worst walk of shame we’ve heard.

Warwick ladies… brutal but honest

Finn, second year, Leamington Spa

“I told a girl I loved her during sex and she said, ‘less of that’.”

Romance is well and truly dead, sorry Finn.

Margret, fresher, Rootes C Block

“I had sex with my boyfriend right in the centre of Cryfield hills, and a group of people walked by us. Took me ages to remove mud off my knees.”

Rootes C Block seems to really be getting the action. Meeting outdoors for exercise is allowed, sure, but this is pushing it.

Clara, fresher, Jack Martin

“I got with a guy on Halloween who was wearing lederhosen, and I’ve totally forgotten his name (oops). All I know is that he did not have a big wurst.”

Lederhosen Clara? Really?

Pizza dates are now the new normal, right?

Parth, second year

“It smelled so bad down there that I had to leave.”

That is not cute.

Ben, fresher, Lakeside

“I’m engaging in flatcest with a girl who writes for The Tab.”

That’s your worst Warwick dating story? Here’s hoping you haven’t pissed her off with this confession…

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