Every reason why living in North Leam is the best

Smack is enough reason for us to be a winner

The age-old question: which side of Leam reigns superior? Let’s not be so quick to dismiss North Leam just because we don’t have a Vialli’s. There are actually some perks of living in North.

It’s less grim

North Leam is just prettier – probably because of the distinct lack of thugs circling the area. The buildings in North Leam are nice to look at, and to live in: two things you don’t ever get in the South.

It’s undeniable, North Leamington doesn’t have this dull, grey tone to it, like South Leam does. Life truly is better in North Leam.

Our houses are actually decent

That’s right: our houses are worthy of the name “house”. I don’t really see the point of paying all this rent, only to live in a tiny house with no windows and the defining feature of mould, (I’m looking at you South). If you just pay a little bit more, you can move into a beaut house in the North and live the life of luxury you were always destined for.


Do I need to say any more? I will anyways, because Smack is worthy.

Smack is almost always a massively messy night, that nobody can say no to. If you live in the North, you can get trashed without limits, and stumble home within 30 secs. Jolly good stuff.

We’re all rich, international students

You’ll soon grow accustomed to the high life. We’re not at all snobby like people say – we’re actually really welcoming. Despite the fact the Clarendon House is exclusively made up of brown people, I can assure you that we love to integrate with our peers.

The Duke and other various drinking establishments

Everyone walks all the way up to North to have a drink, or get something decent to eat. So why bother with the walk? Just move into a house in the North. When you live in North, all these goodies are on your doorstep.

£5 meals at the Duke on Mondays? – eugh, cba to walk in the rain though”. There’s barely a walk if you already live in the North pals, just saying.

Who gives a shit about the bus anyway?

Let’s face it, this one isn’t really Leamington’s fault – Stagecoach are responsible for the shit-storm they call a bus service. Don’t take it out on North Leam.

Admittedly,  the only real struggle is getting a bus for your 9am – that’s a struggle no matter which side of Leam you are on. If it’s really that bad, you can take 10 minute to walk to the first bus stop. But it’s not even that deep. I live in the North, I take the bus from the North stop, and I’ve never missed a 9am.

So, stop crying about the U1, the next one will be a long in a few minutes anyways.

The Sunday Market

It’s always fun. All the best stuff (e.g. crepes and all things chocolate) are always at the North end.

You probably won’t get attacked

It’s no secret that South Leam is the dangerous, dark side of town, especially around the Church. With alleged rapes, muggings and other scary stuff, South Leam just isn’t worth it. Vialli’s is great and all, but I’m not sure I’m willing to risk my life for some cheesy chips.

Do yourselves a favour folks: value your life, and move to North Leam. There are far fewer incidents of crime, so you’re guaranteed to survive the year.


I’ll put this in again because, well… What is life without Smack?