Things you’ll only understand as a Warwick English Lit student

To an outsider, the archetypal English student at Warwick is an elusive character, identified only by their pack-horse appearance due to mountains of books, slightly kooky clothing (don’t say the word hipster, it’s offensive) and a slight look of bewilderment caused by an unfamiliarity with campus due to so little contact hours.

It’s time to unveil the mystery, and give an insight into what English students are all about.

1. Cardio

Due to the Floor Five positioning of the English department in a rather under-funded Humanities building with only two lifts (yet Maths get a whole pond. A POND), and the lack of room availability meaning reallocation to Milburn House, English students are surprisingly fitter than you’d expect from people that are sat down reading for the majority of their lives.

Nothing is more daunting than arriving late to a seminar to find the lift is already ON floor five and having to run (okay, walk. Then crawl.) up a billion stairs, only to arrive sweaty and out of breath.

Oh the humanities…

2. Three or four (or five) day weekends

Lack of contact hours means regular days off. This means a fair amount of time in pyjamas, which is not hygienic but equally great fun. It is necessary at this point to say that many English students do use these days off to actually read.

We actually do have a LOT of reading. IT IS NOT A SOFT SUBJECT. Well, it’s not the softest.

Standard week

3. “The Look”

Stranger: What University do you go to?

English Student: Warwick

Stranger: *gives impressed look* What subject do you do?

English Student: (reluctantly) ….English

Stranger: *gives THE LOOK*

The look says “Ah. Right. One of those”. The look says, “So you enjoy lie ins”. The look says “Can you even count to ten?”. The look says “So basically bullshit philosophy?”. The look says “That’s not a subject, try again.”

IT IS A SUBJECT. IT IS IT IS IT IS.

An incredibly accurate portrayal of ‘The Look’

4. The Divide

A subtle, yet unnerving division seems to be present in Warwick English Students. We have Type A and Type B. Type A are the ones who have read everything, ever, and want to make sure you know about it. They are loud in both attire and speech.

It is likely that they have a blog. They probably write poetry in their spare time in a non-ironic way. They use words like “discourse” in everyday conversation. They openly judge you when you haven’t done the supplementary reading. They are annoying.

Type B is more laid back. They are the ones who never do any reading whatsoever, they leave essays to the last minute and never come to seminars, but thankfully (for them) are actually geniuses and still manage to walk a first. They are also annoying. I’d like to think I’m the latter, but without the bit where I get good grades.

So keen for Wuthering Heights

5. Every book ever being ruined. Ever.

Criticising books every day means that no book is safe. There is no way to just enjoy books without looking for underlying ‘discourse’ (there it is again) and social commentary and motifs. Films are also ruined.

Take The Great Gatsby. English students proclaimed of Luhrmann’s version: “THEY MURDERED FITZGERALD!”

For these girls, it was impossible to enjoy the flashy lights, the fact they used Kanye West in the soundtrack and watching Leo DiCaprio mature with age like a fine wine. The fact they missed out some major themes was far more important.

Who cares about Fitzgerald’s tarnished legacy when you’re drowning in Leo’s eyes…

6. “Oh, you must want to be a teacher?”

There are other jobs. Other jobs do exist.  “Like university lecturer?” I hear you ask. NO. There are career paths for English graduates that do not involve teaching  people how to teach people how to teach people how to read books.

The most depressing thing is that it is becoming gradually clearer that I may in fact end up a teacher.

About once a week, when I descend into a heart-stopping, gut-wrenching panic about what to do with my future, a little voice in my head says, “You could always be a teacher…”, causing me to dry heave.

Shut up about PGCE or I’ll be teaching you a lesson or two

So now you’ve been treated to an insight into the dark, twisted world of an English Lit student, maybe cut us a little slack now and again? We may not have 30 hours of contact a week, but the social stigma, worrying lack of prospects and the fact that we don’t even LIKE reading books any more, are a far worse burden to bear. Anyway, back to bed.