SU President: is it all bollocks?

After The Tab dissected Nick Swain’s manifesto we go all the way back to 2007 to see if SU presidents actually do anything they write on their manifestos. Any meaningless statements containing such phrases as ‘continued support’, ‘pressure’ or ‘endeavour’ are ignored.

Joe Kirby – President 2007

Bring back Cholo Food: breakfast, pizzas, lasagnes. – This is from before my time, but pretty sure it never came back.

Extend opening hours for union outlets on weekends –The Dirty Duck is open, which is perfect if you like to watch your sport alongside an overpriced pint.

Introduce a Union Eat Card to reduce queue lengths. – Well played, these actually benefit our lives.

Better drinks offers. – Drinks from the union are still oddly expensive.

Wider and cheaper range of hot and soft drinks – £1.50 for a bottle of coke says it all really.

Halls recycling bins for cardboard, cans, tins and plastic – I can’t speak for other halls, but we were doing well to get rubbish in the bins at all, let alone material-specific ones.

Raise funding and awareness for Go Green Week. – Fair, I’ve actually heard of Go Green Week so it must have someone behind it.

Andrew Bradley – President 2009

Put an end to the campus inflation spiral – LOL

Let’s have a microwave room in the Union – Wasn’t possible then, still isn’t possible.

Union nights dedicated to postgraduates too – Don’t think this ever happened.

A fancy dress shop on campus! – This certainly never happened.

Weekly YouTube – Can you believe it, this never happened.

Daniel Stevens – President 2010

Bring back 30-week lets – I’m confident in saying that 30-week let has always been available.

Free parking for students who carpool. Decrease bus fares. – Bus fares have continued to rise above inflation, despite the fact that they never seem to run on time. Parking still isn’t free. Shocker.

Provide students with one hundred free printing credits and push for ebooks and reading packs. – Nope. This is like asking them to give us free money. You only need to look at café library prices to realise that this will never happen. Ben Frew: take note.

Establish a chippy (fish and chips) on campus– Nope, it’s a bit of a joke they even let him put this on his manifesto.

Introduce happy hour to the union. – The terrace bar has a happy hour, the Dirty Duck doesn’t.

Completely digitalise society funding and provide a digital calendar to all events – The digital events calendar is actually pretty good. Highfive Dan, (if it actually had anything to do with you).

Create a cost-free media center by converting the abandoned grad club. – Nope.

Subsidise speaker events – Didn’t ever happen, won’t ever happen.

Introduce a “buddy system” between international and home freshers. – Nope. Are you seeing a pattern here?

Leo Boe – President 2011

More space! Improve the Atrium – The atrium actually now has some seating, unfortunately it’s still cold and lifeless.

Sort out the campus internet once and for all ­– Yes, someone, somewhere at university did semi sort it out eventually. Bravo Warwick.

Weekly videos – Never happened.

A fortnightly magazine to advertise societies and sports clubs – Never happened.

To bring back ONE TO WATCH– Whatever ‘one to watch’ was it never came back.

Most importantly of all, I will transform the space above The Dirty Duck (the forgotten Zippy’s/Grad Club – They promise it every year but this mysterious grad club has never been transformed.

So, who should you vote for? Personally I’m going to toss a coin between Aaron Bowater and Muhammed Ali, because if they can’t do anything actually useful we may as well have a good laugh about them.