Union votes in favour of “smoke-free campus”

Nobody should be smoking on Stirling’s campus by 2015, according to a motion passed at the latest General Meeting.

The controversial policy’s vague wording left some afraid that it would allow for future motions calling for an outright ban on smoking.

Lucy Harvey – who devised the policy but was confused by the statistics she had included in it – was adamant that the policy did not amount to a ban.

Lucy Harvey explains her anti-smoking policy to the meeting

“It is not a ban,” she told the room, though she added that that a campus-wide ban would be a good “kick up the arse” for smokers to give the habit up.

The actual aim of the “aspirational” health policy is for it to be sent to an NUS Scotland conference to convince them to spend money on discouraging smoking among students.

A bitter debate about the policy finished with a tight victory for Harvey. Passed with 33 votes for and 30 against with 7 abstentions, meaning that it didn’t even win as a majority vote.

Look at this SCUMBAG of a smoker. DISGUSTING. He needs a good kick up the arse, right?

Harvey also mentioned the possibility of building smoking shelters, further implying that the “smoke-free campus” will not actually be free of smoke.

Even without a ban, many had objections to the policy, including the possibility of such a harsh stance on a life choice deterring people from applying to Stirling.

Harvey countered this with the brazenly ludicrous question: “Would you refuse to go a hospital if it was smoke-free? I know it’s not really the same thing…”

Johannes Butscher dismissed discussing “protecting liberties or whatever” before ending the debate early and telling everyone to keep their comments short.

Johannes Butscher: because how else will we know when democracy just takes too long?

It was also pointed out to the room that there was no need for NUS Scotland to devote money to this cause because all tobacco products already come with a warning about how unhealthy they are.

The typically farcical meeting also featured a motion entitled “Frack Off!” which was not actually about fracking, but rather a group of people in Falkirk concerned about a company using unusual gas extraction methods that may taint the water of the Forth.

The meeting finished with a strong debate about Butscher’s recent decision to ban Navy job adverts on campus. He was asked to reverse his decision, but until it can be voted on at a later date it was agreed that no further action will take place on the matter of military recruitment.