We’ve worked out how to have a big night out for under 15 quid in Notts
It is all about pence per unit
Most, if not all, uni students are skint, scraping the barrel when it comes to buying groceries, books for their course, and other 'essentials'. Encompassing the other 'essentials' arguably involves getting drunk, sweating in a club, and having a good night.
But how can one have a big night out when in danger of overdraft and your mother funelling more money into your debit account? Below, is the mathematically-sound guide that will teach you have to enjoy your big night out for under 15 quid:
Pres/predrinks/prinks is the most essential part of the night, the key determiner of how your night is going to pan out. If done correctly and securely, getting smashed at pres – on a budget – is necessary for this money-saving plan to work.
Firstly, take a trip to Bargain Booze, Sainsburry's, Tesco, or ASDA, will not do. Next, purchase a 70cl bottle of off-brand vodka at £10.99, and calculate the PPU, or the price per unit, a key measurement for getting fucked:
700ml/25ml (one alcoholic unit) = 28 units
£10.99/28 = 0.3925 PPU
You will need to consume approximately 6-8 units of this bottle in order to ensure word slurring and head spinning.
Getting to club
Order that Uber and make sure you SPLIT FARE. If you forget this, your £15 is running scarily low, unless of course you have zero shame and you’re that person to message everyone the next day to transfer them £1.50.
If one person doesn’t have the Uber app and refuses to download it, leave them stranded, there’s honestly no other way.
Price (there and back): £3.50
Entry to any club is the breaking point of the night; it's the most costly dent in your definite budget. If you’re heading to Crisis or Shapes – and aren’t getting mugged on Buy/Sell – you should be able to get a ticket for just about £6. This is a large chunk of our £15 limit but remain calm, we are still in budget
Drinks in club
Now, you probably assumed I was going to argue for the classic ‘girl’ technique where you hang around a guy until he buys you a drink. But it is 2018 kids, and instead I’m backing the ‘I’ve lost my wallet’ technique:
Step 1) Convince your friends it’s a good idea to get a drink
Step 2) Wait with them at the bar. If it’s Crisis this means a good 20 minutes.
Step 3) Once you finally make it through the sweaty, angry crowd, it’s time to pull the line ‘oh.. shit, I’ve lost my wallet’ or ‘ahh, left my card at home!’.
Step 4) By the time you’ve finally made it to the front of the queue, your friend will have whacked their contactless on the card machine like its free money as long as it means getting back to Mr Brightside ASAP
Make your way down to the Golden Arches as they may not provide the best bang for your buck but you'll be sure as shit to find something that is both tasty and cheap. McDonalds. Wrap of the day, £1.99, say no more.
A.K.A. the best part of the night. Even better now that you can check your online banking and see only a mere 1,500 minor pennies have left your account, happy days.
Follow this mathematically precise guide to have a banging night out for under £15. Whatever naysayers say about the impossibility of this challenge, it can be done, whilst still having a good time, with even better vibes!