Confessions of an Oak House fresher

If you say it’s shit you’re just jealous


Oak House, the heart of Owens Park – its  reputation  precedes it, and us. If you live in Oak House you’re definitely up for the sesh, you’re definitely super edgy, and undoubtedly fun. Either that, or you just didn’t get as much maintenance loan as you were hoping and had to go for the cheapest option. Regardless, Oak House is as much a part of Manchester as Brian Cox, Oasis and ket. If you live or have ever lived here you’ll know that it is an experience in itself, here’s a few thoughts you’ve probably had.

Oak House on a good day

Sharing a bathroom is a great way to get to know people in your flat

When you were filling out the application for Oak House, you assessed the bathroom situation and eventually decided that a mad first year was worth a few awkward toilet moments. Truth is, sharing a bathroom with your flatmates really actually isn’t that bad, and it’s a great way to get to know each other, especially when things get a bit tactical chunder-y at pres and there’s only one toilet.

Sometimes all the partying gets a bit tiring

Okay, so it’s fun. And you don’t want to be that guy, but it’s 3am and you’ve got uni tomorrow and next door’s pounding music shows no sign of slowing down. The smell of fag smoke is starting to seep through the floorboards and someone’s just started hysterically crying right outside your front door. You can call ResLife anonymously, right?

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You’ve definitely peed in your sink if you live in Chestnut

Chestnut Court is in high demand amongst the freshers of Manchester, all the flavour of Oak House with the added bonus of a sink, literally at the end of your bed. Yeah it costs an extra twelve pounds, but who can argue with that after a few beers when it’s a whole four extra steps to the toilet when you could just pee in the sink.

Even though it looks shit, you secretly think it’s aesthetic af

Oak House is notoriously shit. It was literally designed by a prison architect and the walls aren’t even plastered, but there’s something about it that has a certain charm. Plus the painted brick looks really cool in your insta pics.

You know everyone is secretly jealous 

Oak House is the equivalent of that one friend you have who’s just constantly a mess. They always look kinda dishevelled, are normally hungover and sporting messy hair or last night’s makeup, but kind of in a cool way you know? They’re always the first one to get absolutely fucked on a night out, and  normally the only person to literally get fucked at the end of the night. You try and convince yourself that you’re happy living your normal life – you’d hate to be like that, but secretly you’re jealous of them. How are they so effortlessly cool? That’s Oak House, and that’s why we know that when you say it’s shit, you’re just jealous.

Desperately trying to cover up all that green

You cannot STAND the colour green anymore

After spending an entire year staring at those horrible puke-green walls, accentuated by the weird grey-green bathroom floors, the hideous snot coloured radiators, garish lime green furniture and inexcusably awful GREEN curtains you have had enough. No more, please.

Literally nothing ever works properly 

Oak House is literally almost 70 years old, and it feels like nothing has been replaced in that time. You could be pissing in the same toilet your granddad did for fucks sake. The hot water never works, theres a complicated sequence to turn the hob on and the ancient toilet’s flush often leaves lingering presents from your new flatmates. And good luck trying to get any of it fixed before you graduate.

Yeah, you’re smiling now. Wait until your heating stops working

Fairylights are KEY

The first thing every fresher does when they move into halls is adorn their rooms with fairy lights. In Oak House, it’s actually vital that you do this. The only way your prison cell (oops I mean halls bedroom) could look remotely cosy is when it’s bathed in the dim glow of a set of Primark’s finest fairy lights.