Did you do Parklife right?

Even in torrential rain and fields of thick mud, Parklife can be the best event of the year. If you messed it up, take some tips for next year.


Parklife revolves around a few facts that will never change: you will walk for half a week to get into the festival, you will be in a massive muddy field, and it will almost certainly rain for a bit. However, whilst some things are set in stone, most of the weekend’s enjoyment comes down to a few key decisions – did you make the right ones?

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You did Parklife right if you:

Attended

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Maybe an odd one to start with, but with alternative events popping up all over the place in the upcoming week, there was certainly temptation to sack all of the effort and just get drunk on a roof somewhere. However, think of the hours on the bus to uni, or the weeks sat in the library – is a couple of hours of hassle not worth our biggest event of the year?

Booked a coach

Horror stories abound when one starts to talk about travelling to Parklife. We all have friends who ended up walking the three and a half hour journey home to Fallowfield, or know of someone who claims to have slept rough outside the park. Getting a ticket to the Parklife Express is a good move. Booking a private coach is a better one. Festival goer Chris Jarvis told us that his 70 seater coach cost £13.50 each for the weekend and allowed him to get trashed with his mates in private.

Left the Main Stage

Unless you’re a military trained sniper waiting patiently for your chance to take out Bastille, there is no reason to stay here all day. Fair enough if you’re not into your deep house or drum and bass, but Parklife has so much more to offer than standing at the back of 5,000 people whilst trying to join in with a Mexican wave.

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Didn’t hit the medical tent

Everything in moderation doesn’t really work as a Parklife ethos, but it’s important to remember that Ketty Kats don’t have nine lives. When you’re gurning in your own vomit, you tend not to be having that much fun.

Found anybody you knew

You’re walking with your group, you see a mate from home, you run over to say hi, you turn around – and you’re alone. With medieval levels of signal, phone a friend is gone as a lifeline. Meeting points solve this problem pretty nicely – the more specific the better. ‘Meet at Disclosure’ isn’t going to cut it.

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You did Parklife wrong if you:

You were part of the ticketing team that ruined day 

If you have no idea what this means, count yourself lucky. Due to an issue with reference numbers, a large amount of people were turned away from Parklife on Saturday despite having legitimate tickets. The Box office got flooded, VIPs couldn’t pick up their paid for tickets, and it was overall a bit of a mess, leading to some people having to leave and then return several hours later.

You moaned about everyone taking drugs

Whatever your stance on narcotics is, Parklife is just is not the place to wander around whinging about the wide eyed and the tight jawed. If someone is causing you a direct problem, deal with it or leave. If they’re just being a bit weird, don’t worry about it. No one wants to hear a lecture about how sad it is that they can’t all have a good time without nuking their serotonin.

You refused to go anywhere muddy

Don’t wear nice shoes to Parklife. That’s rule number one in the big book of common sense. If you can’t go somewhere you want to go because there’s a puddle in the way, you’ve done it wrong. Find high ground if you must, but be prepared to battle through the trenches to get there.

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You went straight to bed on Sunday

It’s a long weekend, and your body will be ruined by the end of it, but the Parklife Sunday is one of the few where basically everyone wants to keep the party going as long as possible. Not making the most of it is a missed opportunity, whether it’s with a group of friends back home or in the basement/dungeon of an apocalyptic house party.

Got arrested

If you were one of the 29 people that managed to get nicked, you either got unbelievably unlucky or, more likely, you’re awful.

If you were this guy