SEX ON FIRE: UCLU Boat Club hosts TAKE ME OUT

UCL’s homespun version of Take Me Out, which took place on Saturday in the JBR, was a stroke of genius. Jock bodies, mounting sexual tension and a bake sale made for the ultimate Saturday night entertainment. Massive congrats to all who organized it and raised money for the Stroke Association.

In a departure from the standard Take Me Out format, (and perhaps side-stepping potential complaints about unfairness), things were kicked off with a panel of eight handsome UCL bachelors facing two beautiful bachelorettes.

The audience were treated to videos of each man doing his best to impress: Credit to the pair who entered together, with a vid showing their soft side- the camera pans out and they are lying naked, side-by-side in bed. Aww. Credit also to the man who didn’t get a video in– and instead had some revealing photos displayed on the screen for a scintillating five seconds.

Round one: Bachelorette Number One impressed with her love of cooking and finished with seven green lights. Then round two revealed her ability to drink a man under the table, giving the host the chance to say ‘If you don’t want her in your bed, show her the red’. Final round and David ‘Brucie’ Morris unbuttoned his shirt in a show of amorous admiration for Bachelorette Number One… this brought him the gold medal. Brucie, currently on the campaign trial to become Student Activities Officer, has ticked one win off his list. (Fingers crossed.)

In the second half, it was the turn of the lads to choose the ladies.

Special commendation to the girl who filmed her entire vid in a bubble bath, with glass of champagne in hand. Some very risqué lines were heard at this point…

Bachelor Number One’s video, titled ‘I’m a knob. Take Me Out’, revealed this candidate’s so-called prowess with the girls of UCL. Unfortunately, his reputation preceded him. On the cue of ‘If he doesn’t make you hard, give him the red card’ the bachelor was left with only two lovely ladies to decide between, but one keen lass seemed particularly up for a go and the flirtatious twosome tottered off into the sunset.

The final Bachelor pulled his girl with the classic line- ‘One blow from the Nedgehammer and you’ll never walk straight again’. Despite dropping this clanger, he got himself a gorgeous date and a ride on the London Eye, although she has told The Buzz: ‘not 100% sure I’ll go for the full ‘nedgehammer’ experience’.

Finally, the He Said What moment of the night:

‘If you forget your keys, I’ll help you in through the back door’

Host sees red lights- ‘Not into anal then?’

In sum: Bloody brilliant. Let’s fill UCL with couples and put Moonies out of business.