The Varsity: UCL vs KCL Live Feed

The Buzz is live at Twickenham Stoop to bring you live coverage of UCL’s destruction of our less evolved friends from the Strand.

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The Varsity Live: UCL vs KCL Live Feed


GET INVOLVED: Tweet me @TheBuzzUCL using the hashtag #londonvarsity or text on 07794487842 (UK) or email on [email protected] with FOOTBALL before your message. Make sure YOU PUT YOUR NAME on those texts though.




21.43: The Buzz is a busy little beaver, and after this 5 hour extravaganza has neither the time nor the willpower to stay any longer. Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls… It has been a great pleasure to share this humiliation of King's with all of you. You've been brilliant. We've been brilliant. Reggie the Lion was tame until he lost himself completely and utterly and ended up being escorted out of the Stadium with police in tow. The Buzz is a lil' bit in love with Will East and Haris Ismail (but after seeing that, who won't be?), and both the Men's and Women's Rugger teams have showered UCL in glory. Remember that you can read about all this in 3 weeks time when Pi next publishes (or alternatively just check our website for a report later this weekend). And on that bombshell, It is with great regret that I say we shall love you and leave you. You're beautiful. Don't ever change.


21.38: Goodness gracious me. 300 odd fans are now on the pitch and they aint moving any time soon is all I can say. There are yet more police arriving. Who knows how long this will go on for? Reggie the Lion has just been taken away by security for insighting rebellion in the fans. In fact, old Reg has now been ejected from the stadium. Oh Reg. This is classic Reg. Such a rowdy young Lion!


21.35: The Buzz's Man of the Match goes to Haris Ismail for two wonderful tries, some great running and a generally all round fantastic performance. And I heard he was somewhat injured, too!


21.34: Police have now entered the pitch, as yet more security measures are breached. Reggie the Lion looks genuinely upset. You and me, both Reg. You and me, both.


21.33: Pitch invasions happening here as last year's woes are forgotten. All UCL's fans seem to be on the pitch now. King's stay in their places, thinking about how awful both their Polytechnic and its rugby team are.




21.31: Yellow card for Elliot Mills as it looks like KCL go over again, but it's disallowed.


21.29: King's fans streaming out of the stadium already. They know it's all over. It'll be a long journey back to the Strand for them. 


21.28: King's penalty as pressure is culled and we're just waiting for the jubilant final whistle now.


21.27: UCL still pressing into the dying minutes as King's bring on four subs.. It's nice to give them a runout. Such an honourable university!


21.26: UPDATE: Security says fans' misbehaviour puts Varsity at the Stoop in further years in serious doubt. Thanks a bunch, guys. Marvellous effort there.


21.24: UCL now up to a full contingent and have a penalty five yards from the King's line. Can they give the dagger a final twist and round off a fantastic performance?


21.22: Looking down at the King's bench, you can see it's almost over. They look desolate, downbeat and inbred. Chins up boys, at least you go to a better uni… Oh no wait, that's us. My bad.


21.21: Into the last 10 minutes now and KCL are camped in the UCL half. Will Green makes a great clearance, however, and the pressure is off.


21.20: UCL's latest lineout call: 'Wankers 351'. They're so comfortable they can even insult King's at lineouts. To be fair, that is absolutely brilliant.


21.18: Off the pitch, smoke bombs continue to go off in the stands as UCL look to hang onto their lead. 


21.17: TRY FOR KING'S Oh dear. Let's not see it all happen again. King's go over underneath the posts immediately taking advantage of the extra man. Converted too by Robert 'funny name' Cummings.


21.16: King's on the attack but still look as impotent as Reggie the Lion. No.6 flanker Brad jarvis has just been sent to the bin. Let's not see another comeback boys!                                                                                                                                            


21.15: Atmosphere still heated.. It's like a middle class version of the London riots. King's have a scrum on the half way line.


21.15: Game now restarted and we might actually see some rugby. 


21.14: From Margo via Facebook: 'I'd rather be in Syria than in King's.' Dark, Margo.


21.11: BREAKING NEWS: Game suspended as fans sent back to seats. King's players gesture desperately to fans to return to the stands. It's like we're in the 1980s. Fat chance of the Stoop letting us back here next year. Hello Richmond RFC field!


21.08: Stewards finding it difficult to separate King's and UCL fans. Latest news is that a King's fan has been ejected and the crowd have all been told to take their seats. Behave, dear!


21.06: BREAKING FLARE NEWS: It's more like a scene from the Italian Ultras in the stands as a yellow smoke bomb gets released. It's all happening down there! 


21.05: After a spell of pressure from King's, UCL have won the penalty, with King's failing to get through this impenetrable wall. But can you blame them? Have you seen Will East's muscles? Perfect Specimen.


21.04: Kings enter the UCL 22 for the first time in the 2nd half. Let's see what these sub par rugby players can do.


21.03: Both sides are failing to make any leeway with blows being traded around the centre of the park. It's safe to say that we want some more tries from the men in blue and white.


21.01: Are my responses to people's texts getting too formulaic? I'm trying my hardest, but after 4 hours, I feel like I'm getting lazy. I'd appreciate some feedback.

GET INVOLVED: Tweet me @TheBuzzUCL using the hashtag #londonvarsity or text on 07794487842 (UK) or email on [email protected] with FOOTBALL before your message. Make sure YOU PUT YOUR NAME on those texts though.


21.00: From SxciEmma: 'King's have shown no balls today. And they can't blame that on the cold.' That they can't Sxci, that they can't.


20.58: This is turning into men against boys. King's have nothing. Zilch. All mouth. No trousers.


20.57: Maybe King's should bring one of their women into the fray. At least they scored. UC still on top on the King's halfway.


20.55: Just spotted some of the King's WAGS. Maybe more at home on their big fat gypsy weddings? Dirty.


20.53: Brilliant counter rucking by UCL in their own half. They have pegged King's back, and look most likely at the moment.


20.53: With half an hour to go, UCL still look strong. A King's penalty is kicked straight to UC, and we advance again.


20.52: Text in from Leeds United striker Luciano Becchio: 'FOOTBALL. Sod the rugby – i want more brawls in the 2nd half!!!' Think you've lost yourself there, Luciano.


20.51: Will East charges through the centre, past one, past two, before being brought down. Take a bow. The Buzz wants your babies


20.49: The UCL subs look rather eager to come on. They seem quite up for taking a swipe at the proverbial injured animal.


20.48: As someone behind me has just pointed out, you can't blame the UCL fans. If King's aren't going to put up a fight, someone has to.


20.47: UPDATE ON FIGHT: UCL student issued a caution. Naughty.


20.47: Kings have come out firing for this second half. Must have been some stern words spoken in the dressing room. They have a central penalty 5 yards from the 22 in front of the posts.


20.45: In all the excitement of turd breath and whatnot, the SECOND HALF KICKED OFF, with 'Sexy and I know it' appropriately booming out over the PA system for the UCL players.


20.44: Text in from AshamedKingsFan: 'This rugby team are making a mockery of our pride and history. I've seen more fight in a ping pong match.'


20.43: Text in from BenTheBadboy: 'UC absolutely dominating atm! bring on the second half!!' Thanks for that Ben. Insightful.


20.42: The half time snack of choice for this match, appropriately for the men's match, is McCoys Flame Grilled Steak. Only thing is it makes your breath smell like turd.


20.41: UCL's cheerleading team 'Lightning' clearly being shown off as the superior squad. Kings' 'Some girls are born with glitter in their veins' Cheerleading squad also cheering, but no one in the gantry is sure what about…


20.40: UPDATE ON FIGHT: Offender in handcuffs, police not revealing anything more.


20..39: Half-Time 24-0.


20.38: TRY FOR UCL! I actually feel a bit sorry for King's. This just isn't fair. UCL scrum half Tom Brocket goes for an ambitious drop goal. It flies wide but the catching King's player lets it through his hands and it hits his leg, dropping loose for flanker Brad Jarvis to pick up and place over the line. Amateurish stuff from King's, with many wondering if they have ever played this game before. Conversion missed. 24-0.


20.34: UPDATE ON FIGHT: UCL fan arrested for part in brawl.


20.33: King's are back to their full 15 men. They really need to stop their constant infringements – it's costing them big time.


20.30: YES THEY RUDDY CAN! UCL TRY! ITS TURNING INTO A ROUT, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN. Will East is again at the heart of it. The ball is recycled quickly and spread wide following a break from Ismail, and that man East throws a delicious pass that lets Oscar Dodd plough over the King's defenders to score under the posts. Will Green converts to make it 19-0 just before half time. Seems King's forgot to turn up


20.26: Another yellow card for King's. Jesus, they don't learn do they? The talent of the UCL players seems too much for their weak opposition. Will Green kicks onto the edge of Kings' 22. UCL lineout. Can they again take advantage of their numerical superiority and put the game to bed?


20.23: Breaking News: Not all the action is happening on the pitch. A fight has broken out between two UCL students. One has been led away by the stewards, the other is still lying unconscious in front of the stand. The crowd have gone expectably quiet because of this. More to follow when we get it.


20.21: King's no. 10 Robin Cumming (unlucky name pal) misses an easy chance to get three points on the board. Poly can't handle the pressure. Dan Kenny is turning out to be quite the weasel for his team mates. Now no one likes you, Dan.


20.17: UCL TRY!!!! After failing to spread the play on several occasions, UCL's Will East throws a delightful long pass out to winger Haris Ismail, who sprints for the corner. Will Green fails to land a difficult kick. Kings have really been made to suffer for their ill discipline. Idiots. 12-0. No biggie.


20.14: UCL controlling the game with consummate ease. King's relieve pressure the only way they can. By cheating. Of course. They give away a penalty which Will Green gladly smashes down field, deep into King's 22.


20.13: King's seem shocked – putting the restart straight into touch. UCL can smell blood…


20.10: TRY FOR UCL!!!!! Mr Kenny has not even been in the sin bin for 2 mins and UCL are already a try up. Having taken the penalty quickly, the forwards drove up the pitch. Will Green then put in an audacious cross field kick that bounced nicely into the grateful hands of full back Andrew Doctor-Smith. Will Green slots a difficult conversion. 7-0 COME ON BOYS!!!!!!!!!!


20.08: Kings no. 7 Dan Kenny is sent to the bin after Kings' repeated fouling gives the referee no choice. Cheating Scum. 


20.07: Game's livening up here at the Stoop but still scoreless. UCL backs putting together some nice moves. But again a positive position is wasted with UCL having too many men in the line out. 


20.03: Email from James: 'I got with a King's bird at moonies last Wednesday. Wasn't pleasant. Had nothing on UCL girls.' Real Talk.


20.01: UCL finally get out of their own half, winning a penalty, with Will Green pinging the ball into the King's 22. Losing the line out, however, wastes the good work. Sloppy by UCL at set pieces so far.


19.57: It seems King's have been taking tips from their women's team. No. 15 Lucas Anglin, through with absolutely no one to beat, inexplicably drops the ball over the line after some great play by the centres. Lucas… son you've had a shocker.


19.55: Penalty to King's as no. 15 Andrew Smith-Doctor gets isolated and gets done for holding on. King's choose to go for territory rather than points.


19.52: Rousing renditions of Berlington Burtie reverberating around the packed stadium.


19.51: Will Green kicks off and King's are immediately smashed back by UCL. Strong start by our boys there.


19.49: The crowd rise to their feet as both sets of teams run out onto the pitch. It's time ladies and gentlemen… LET THE GAME BEGIN!


19.42: Stadium's blasting out some epic top 40 hits. I thought the atmosphere could not get any better… David Guetta ft. Sia in his hit single 'Titanium' has most certainly proved me wrong. This is ruddy mental!


19.41: Charlie on Text: 'I'm in the crowd and the UCL fans are going wild. King's lot look disheartened. I would too if I went there.' Decent, Charlie. Decent.


19.39: Sorry about this, but nothing's happening. In the meantime, remember Buzz fans you can get Pi's unique spin on this historic event in about 3 weeks' time.


19.30: Line-ups:


1. Ed Lawless, 2. Joe Calnan, 3. Alex Millar, 4. Fraser Padmore, 5. Phil Jones, 6. Simon Edwards, 7. Dan Kenny, 8. Tim Fawcett, 9. Josh Wald, 10. Robin Cumming, 11. Jay Johnson Crooks, 12. Stef Cook, 13. Alex Currie, 14. Nick Salisbury, 15. Lucas Anglin, 16. Angus Hortop, 17. Adam Wheatley, 18. Nnamdi Obigwe, 19. Sam Bardwell, 20. Dan Cudlipp, 21. Jack Palmer, 22. Alex de Chezelles, 23. Deji, 24. George Lane, 25. James Cookson



1. Jonny Miles, 2. Elliot Mills, 3. Daniele Manzi, 4. Jack Tredrea, 5. Alex Davidson, 6. Brad Jarvis, 7. Paymahn Safi, 8. Ferg Taylor, 9. Tom Brocket, 10. Will Green, 11. Oliver Marshall 12. Will East, 13. Oscar Dodd, 14. Haris Ismail, 15. Andrew Smith-Doctor, 16. Richard Taylor, 17. Henry Poon, 18. Ed Lowe, 19. Alex Cailleteau, 20. Kadeem Houson, 21. Julius McGillivray, 22. Tom Duffy, 23. Elliot Hurdiss


19.29: Its so cold my wham bar has frozen solid… playing havoc with my teeth.


19.28: Game almost ready to kick off. Stadium is BUZZING with excitement.


19.27: Breaking News: KCL have selected a bunch of fat blokes.


19.26: Breaking News: Key men Will East and Oliver Marshall are passed fit, whilst Yorkshire hard man Alex Davidson wins a place in the second row.


19.26: All eyes will be on Will East today, as the ex U18 England captain will be expected to provide the magic from inside centre. Also, try machine Oliver Marshall has the hopes of a university resting on his shoulders – his 22 tries in 12 games has struck fear into the hearts of the pussies from the Strand.


19.22: The same cannot be said of the UCL boys, who are looking rather dashing in a delightful dark blue training number. Certainly the idiom 'God doesn't give with both hands' does not apply to this intelligent, charming group of young men.


19.19: Looking through the faces of the Kings' lineup, they definitely were not selected for their looks. If they lose today they shouldn't be too disheartened as a collective career as the Elephant Man's stunt double is certainly achievable. Truly ugly. And I aint even being biased there. That is an entirely objective remark.


19.17: If you're lucky enough to be at the ground, let's be hearing some of The Buzz's chants rung out too.


19.16: Whilst we wait for the main spectacle, find out what the men’s team had to say about vital issues regarding The Roxy, sharks and President Roosevelt’s state of health. Sounds dangerous.


19.14: 'Rolling in the Deep' playing through the speakers, summing up what could have been for the Kings' women's team. Except it couldn't have been, because they were bad.


19.11: FULL TIME: And the first of two victories for UCL. Jubilation amongst the team rounds off a superb, professional performance from the lovely ladies. Same again from the men's team please!


19.11: 28-5 FINAL SCORE


19.09: Getting cold. If anyone fancies bringing us blankets, we're in the media box on the LV stand. Snoods are not as warm as they appear.


19.08: UCL mens are warming up on the sidelines too, looking confident. Their loss on Wednesday has not dented team spirit. Lock Alex Davidson says it was a 'much needed reality check'. I think we can all agree on that one, Alex.


19.07: UCL letting errors creep in, losing two consecutive scrums. They're battling like the Spartans at Thermopylae repelling red attack after red attack. Feel free to text in just to admire that analogy alone.


19.01: UCL back to 15 men now. Sorry, women. However, just as they get back to having a full contingent, Leah is sent to the bin for repeated fouling (I initially wrote ‘fowling’ there, but that wouldn’t have made much sense. Phew. Good job I noticed it). No discipline.


19.00: The inclusion of musings over celebrated Premier League center forwards should quite accurately portray the idea that the game has died. Because it has. Very much so. UCL look happy to sit on a 23 point lead. 


18.58: Bizarre moment here as no. 1 Anthea goes down for approximately 4 worrying minutes. Next thing she's up and running around again. Brings Chelsea forward Didier Drogba to mind. Come on Anthea. You're better than that.


18.53: Email from John in Ramsay Hall: 'Hi guys, loving the coverage. King’s have really shown their intelligence today. Bereft of ideas and clueless.' Tru dat, is all this commentator has to say.


18.50: With the half time extra hot cappuccino now lukewarm, UCL’s game appears to have gone the same way. King’s have dominated the second half, yet UCL still have an overwhelming lead.


18.48: KCL are trying everything. And UCL are trying everything to stop them. UCL's no. 14 Amanda has been sent to the bin for killing the ball, and King's are bound to capitalize soon. But they're still rubbish. 


18.44: Epic try saving intervention by Anthea under the posts prevents what looks like a certain try for King's. Strength at its best.


18.41: After a great spell of pressure, King's get as close to the line as they have for what seems like an age – only for the winger to literally throw the ball into the try area. This aint handball, love.


18.37: Looks like a bad knock for no. 11, Tonje, after a huge hit by a large King's forward. It would be a massive blow for UCL if the two try hero went off here.


18.35: Text from Andy in Ashford: "UCL ladies need to consolidate this position of dominance."


18.34: Reggie the Lion's standing on the touchline. Looks more like an inbred kitten than a ferocious king of the jungle.


18.30: Text in from Sophie: 'This game could get embarrassing for Kings, if I was them I would fly the white flag now and beg UCL to take mercy on them'. Quite right, Sophie.


18.28: UCL TRY!!!! Straight from kick off UCL win the ball from King's, and fire it through the back line. Bryony again smashes a hole in the weak king's defence, before offloading to no. 11, Tonje, who outpaces her opposing number, to score under posts. Meghan scores conversion to give UCL the perfect start to the second half. 28-5.


18.26: And we're back folks.


18.18: Now being treated to a superb performance by the UCL Lightning Cheerleading Squad. After a cappuccino we'll be right back with the second half. Toodles.



18.17: Half time. Score 21-5.


18.15: TRY TO UCL!!! What a response! And it was only a matter of time. Bryony punches a hole through the back line and It seems as though she has held on too long, but she shakes off the pathetic Poly tackles to go under the posts. Meghan converts to make it 21-5. Bryony is having an absolute stormer – punching holes in the kings defence on a whim. Yes Bryony!


18.11: UCL are piling on the pressure at the moment. Fights are breaking out left, right and centre as King's concede a free kick. UCL have been camped out in Kings' 22 but can they convert the pressure into points? Hold your breath.


18.07: King's score… They go through the forwards, picking and driving. UCL withstand the pressure heroically but eventually King's drive over in the corner, to leave a difficult conversion for Trudie. Which is missed, to put it politely, by a long long way. 14-5.


18.04: King's radio struggling to get up live. Such things are made all the more difficult with webbed fingers, to be fair to 'em.


18.02: Cheerleaders limbering up on the sidelines, showing off some impressive acrobatics. they won't distract people from the enthralling spectacle that's unfolding here at the stoop. Lovely.


17.56: Great defense by UCL, withstanding some heavy pressure 5 yards out beneath posts, and then winning a penalty by forcing the knock on. The Poly look out of ideas at the moment.


17.53: John Motson's heir to the throne just described the game as "roughness and toughness". Genius.


17.52: Text in from Dave: 'Loving the link guys, COME ON UCL SMASH THE POLY SCUM'. Thanks Dave. Big up to you.


17.48: Women's rugby is brutal. Some massive hits going in by both sides. Mistakes have started to creep in all round though, and the game's turned a bit scrappy after UCL's blistering start.


17.43: I am currently sat next to the King's radio commentator. John Motson should give up his day job, cos this girl's got talent. More talent than her rugby playing chums, it seems.


17.41: UCL SCORE ANOTHER TRY!!! Great work by Bryony releases number 11 Tonje who outpaces the Kings line. Conversion is good. 14-0. Starting to get embarrassing for King's and we're just 8 mins into the game. What a bloody nightmare.


17.39: UCL SCORE!!!!! Great break by the centre puts Meghan through under the posts. Gets the conversion. Great start. Kings look shell shocked. 7-0.


17.38: Ref takes a tumble before making a disgusting decision to give offside, thereby preventing a break away try for UCL. Get it together ref.


17.37: The game kicks off and UCL win their first scrum, nice move ends with a knock on.


17.35: UCL Team Line up: 1. Anthea, 2. Rachel H, 3. Rachel K, 18. Michelle, 5. Cecilia (vice captain), 6. Leah, 7. Matilda, 8. Eleanor, 9. Grace, 10. Meghan, 11. Tonje, 12. Bryony, 13. Jess, 14. Amanda, 15. Katy, 16. Melissa, 17. Faith, 19. Annie, 20. Rachael B, 21. Veronica, 22. Rhi, 23. Marghe


17.32: KCL Team Line up: 1.Lynn, 2. Rosie, 3. Bethan, 4. Harriet, 5. Lucie, 6.Ophelie, 7. Lizbeth, 8. Anna (c), 9. Sophie T., 10. Sophie R., 11. Lucy, 12.Kirtsen, 13. Samantha, 14. Trudie, 15. Lilly. Subs: 16. Claire, 17. Lara, 18. Sara, 19. Kelly, 20. Mia, 21. Sara, 22. Jennifer


17:24: BREAKING TEAM NEWS: UCL have selected Rachel K at prop, with the in-form centre partnership of Bryony and Jess being chosen to try and pick a hole through the King's line. KCL have picked some pretty rubbish players. Full teams to follow.


17:19: Is that the heady scent of silver polish in the air? The rustling of programmes in South West London being checked over for the latest team lineups? The Buzz is live at Twickenham Stoop to bring you live coverage of UCL’s destruction of our less evolved friends from the Strand.