How to boss your Secret Santa in Liverpool this Christmas!
Don’t resort to a Lynx Africa gift set
It's Week 12, the bank of mum and dad is exhausted and what little is left of your overdraft is having to be spent on George's (the one housemate you literally know nothing about) Secret Santa gift. Whether you're a Santa's little helper or a Secret Santa scrooge, with this guide you'll convince everybody that you stuck to the £15 budget (you actually splurged a fiver in Poundland), and that George is your best pal.
On the surface, a fiver doesn't look like it could get you much of anything and after a hopeless trip to Liverpool One, you've resolved to buy the foot-long pig in blanket you were eyeing up in Smithdown Asda yesterday. Although this sounds delicious, nothing screams 'I completely forgot about Secret Santa' than a pressie from the local supermarket.
Secret Santa Scrooge: A chocolate snowman from Thorntons is literally 4 quid.
Santa's Little Helper: Frame a photo of all your housemates; The FreePrints app gives away 45 free photographs printed from your phone each month and you can get a photo frame for as little as £1.50 in Wilkinson. Sorted. You've got a present that's the most thoughtful fiver you've ever spent and 44 photographs of your fave Concert Square memories to stick underneath your hippy dippy tapestry.
A budget of £10 means that you can get a gift that will take the piss out of your housemates.
Secret Santa Scrooge: a bottle of Asda's own vodka is £10.50, or just buy them 10 shots next time you hit up Ca Va.
Santa's Little Helper: You can afford to splurge on a £7 stress willy for Izzy who hasn't pulled since a blurry night in Heebies during freshers and have change leftover to buy her a grown your own boyfriend too! Sick of your favourite mug being used as a makeshift ash tray? Buy the smoker in your house a real one. This means the coffee that fuels attempts of attending 9ams will never taste of cig ends ever again. Buy a gift that everyone in the house will benefit from, like a drinking game. Invest the last shreds of your overdraft on Shot Roulette, Pass Out (essentially Monopoly for alcoholics) or Tipple Tower.
If by Week 12 you've got 15 quid left to spend on Secret Santa instead of a food shop then chances are everyone in your house is minted, which means expectations for Secret Santa are gonna be high.
Secret Santa Scrooge: Instead of buying either a foodie gift or an alcohol one, with £15 you can combine the two. Buy Katie a bottle of pink gin to make a G&T with before end of semester drinks at Oh Me Oh My. Accompany this with a a snazzy truffle from Hotel Chocolat (this costs the equivalent the meal deal that sees you through a big stint in the SJ), and Katie will be chuffed.
Santa's Little Helper: A definite way to win over the posho in your house is to make them a Christmas hamper. Essentials include: some Christmassy socks – the funnier the pun on them, the better and a bottle of wine/prosecco, or big beer to quench their thirst after Xmas dinner (tbh, it's the first time anyone in the flat's tried to cook a turkey; it'll be dry af). Another nice touch is a mug with a hot chocolate kit – marshmallows are a must! Plus, don't forget to raid Boots 3 for 2 offers to find stocking fillers like nail varnish and hand cream. Most importantly, whack in a pouch of golden coins, otherwise what's the point?
You can find guides online that teach you how to put the hamper together, and with this you've definitely got a gift that shits on everyone else and gets showed off in the family Whatsapp group.
With this help, you'll convince everybody that you love this holiday tradition, and aren't secretly ecstatic you don't have to worry about this crap for another year.