How cold is your house?

On a scale of ‘man-up’ to ‘man down’

budget carnatic Cold expensuve frozen greenback halls heating homes House living scale smithdown stingy student temperature warm

Moving into your first student house can be hard. But it’s even harder when it’s -5°C inside in a very windy and rainy city.

You’ll undoubtedly complain about how cold it is at some point, but just how cold is your house? Do you need to man up and stick another jumper on or is it actually becoming a bit of a health risk?

The extremely advanced temperature scale

Summer breeze

The lowest on the scale, these houses are only slightly cold, some of the time.

People who complain about living in a house where it’s not constantly 30°C inside are the sort of people who live in these cosy houses. They probably just want to walk around in their underwear all day and pretend they’re in Barbados.

She’ll have a shock when she goes outside

Second year Margaret, who has the fortune of living in such a house, said: “Walking into a warm home, like I have the privilege of doing, is like being hugged from every angle.”

It’s alright for some.

The cold never bothered me anyway

The reason for the slight chill in these houses is usually down to one or two residents who are adamant they “don’t feel the cold”, and insist on never turning the heating on to save money.

Megan, a second year, is only too familiar with this situation. She said: “I was told to do my uni work with gloves on.”

Poor her.

There is a constant battle between the overly-stingy and the sane who would actually like to make the most of their highly capped bills, resulting in a pretty cold – but not unbearable – temperature inside the house. You’ll probably have the odd poster falling down occasionally due to the constantly changing temperature, and will need a jumper most of the time.

One of The Fallen


Baby it’s cold outside

And also inside, as is the case with stage three of coldness. These housemates have to actually put their coat on to enter the house.

Hot water bottles stay warm for about 10 minutes and a cup of tea around five. It’s worthy of a small complaint every so often.

It’s already cold

Past its hot days


It is seen as an impossible task to leave your bed, and when you do, you immediately regret not wearing socks on your lino floor.

Socks are essential on that lino

Students living in these houses come hand-in-hand with microwave meals, as they cannot physically control their hands when attempting to cook anything more complicated.

You have to sleep in half of your wardrobe with three blankets, shedding your layers joyously as you enter a normal house or the toasty library. You’ll also frequently consider sleeping there over returning to your ice mansion.

Second year student Hannah knows the pain. She told The Tab: “I have to wear two jumpers and a top in bed and it is still freezing. And I have a hot water bottle.”

Not moving any time soon

Ice, ice, baby

The coldest of the cold, these – literally – freezing houses put all others to shame. Some have placed a glass of water by the side of their bed, only to discover it has turned to ice by the morning.

The night before

The morning after

Others complain of frostbite on their fingers, acquired during those reckless seconds of venturing their hands out of the duvet.

A fridge is no longer necessary because your room serves the purpose just as well. The ice-cold atmosphere is commonly caused by a combination of crap insulation and unbelievably stingy housemates avoiding the boiler as if it were a drunk Kanye West.

When asked about the heating in her house second-year Lauren said: “What heating? It’s cold enough to have a pet penguin in this house.”

Houses such as Lauren’s are so cold they can cause some irrational behaviour of the housemates, including turning your heating on forever (period), outright refusing to turn it off (regardless of the now near sweltering temperatures), and finally admitting defeat.  You’ll just deal with the electricity bill later.

Being stingy is hard.