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All the reasons you’re still being asked for ID

Long live the Topman comic book wallet

It may be the case that you think you're ID'd because you don't look over the age of 25. However, it so happens that this is not the reason at all – it is what they want us to believe.

We get ID'd because they want to let us know that we don't look or act a day over 17. The things we buy, they way we act, and the things that we say. They are all telltale signs that we are still newbies in the world of buying alcohol, cigarettes and all the rest.

Every day we commit ID-able offences, and more often than not, we won't even know it.

Here are some of the things you might do:

You buy a bottle of value vodka, a mixer and a frozen cheese pizza

As soon as the cashier sees that the mixer you're buying takes up half your daily calorie allowance they will immediately have their doubts that you are not of the legal age to be buying or consuming alcohol.

They'll happily scan your pizza and panda pops, but until you show them the ID you'll be 17 in their eyes.

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You've been trying to grow a beard for six weeks but it's nothing but a patch of bum fluff

Your chin looks like a cactus, with little straggles of blonde hair sticking out in a similar way that spikes do of cacti. You mates have told you to shave it and you refused. You even had your first big fight with your girlfriend over the fact that it was your chin and you can do what you want with it. With it though, you've never looked more 16.

When you buy a pack of cigarettes you ask for the 'cheapest' ones

You'll lean over the counter squinting, as you try to make out the brand and the price on the microscopic label. Before they started removing the branding from the packets you could just ask for 'the blue ones'. But now asking for the 'murky greeny brown ones' isn't really an option.

Nothing screams 'young first time smoker' more than not specifying which packet of cigarettes it is that you want. It's likely that you'll buy a lighter at the same time too.

You get a call from your mum whilst paying

Just as you're about to pay you get a poorly timed call from your mum as she wants to check up on how you're doing. You have to step to one side and let the people behind you continue. The notion of playing it cool has gone out the window by this point and you know that you're getting asked for ID after this.

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You buy silver Rizla

You're quite nervous about this. Everyone knows what they are for. The look they give you when you reinforce that it's the extra long ones you want says it all.

To break the barrier of awkwardness, you decide to take the approach of being super chatty and pally with the cashier in hope that it will distract them from your purchase nothing but stoner paraphernalia. You ask them their night is going, perhaps if they've been busy, or about anything else you can think to keep things moving.

You're still sporting the wallet you got for Christmas when you were 13 years old

There's absolutely no chance you're not getting asked for ID. Before you even make your way to the till, they've clocked your comic themed wallet from the Topman 2003 range.

You place your four bottles of Budweiser nervously down on the counter, and draw your ID from your Velcro-fastened wallet. There's a beaming glare of green light which lights up your face the cashier's as you unsheathe your provisional driving license from the zipped compartment.

The rest of the items in your basket look like they've come out of a child's lunchbox

If you are buying Frubes, Dairylea Dunkers and shit loads of Pepperamis then obviously you're going to get asked for ID when they see you are also buying a two litre bottle of Strongbow. It doesn't help that you're wearing a t-shirt that says 'iPood' on it as well.

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You don't stop swearing to your mate whilst in the queue

You are bursting with testosterone before you've even had a drop of alcohol, so the idea of you being drunk is literally terrifying. You are still at the stage where you think having 'play fights' with your mates in public places is quite alright, and getting each other in headlocks in the middle of the grocery aisle is also fine.

When you're in the queue you are telling constantly reminding your mate how 'fucking sick' this night is going to be, and maybe you'll drop the C-bomb once or twice at an uncomfortably loud volume for a confined shopping queue.