All hail the pre-drinks DJ: The person controlling the music and vibes at pres

They’ll never queue your song requests

Picture this: You show up to pres, the usual suspects are there. You look over to the corner where the speaker is, and there's the same mate who sits there every time. Phone in one hand, speaker in the other, desperately trying to sync to Bluetooth before anyone else can.

Everyone has this person in the group. Their name? The pre-J.

Nobody enjoys pre-drinks more than them. Once they've got their seat, they're not moving anytime soon. If you request a song, it won't be taken lightly, and if you fuck with the queue, then they'll fuck with you.

If you find yourself doing any of these things, then it's safe to say that you likely to be the pre-J of your group:

Your playlist is LIFE

Your playlist is a work of art, crafted over a very long period of time. People follow it on Spotify so they can use it for their pres when you're not around (which isn't often).

The same predictable songs play every week – with a few new additions – but nobody seems to care.

A non-mover

A non-mover

Obviously you have Spotify premium

If pres are going to run smoothly, there can't be regular interruptions made by ads for car insurance.

You say "respect the queue" quite a lot

This is basically your catchphrase. If someone asks you to stick a song on it'll be hard to resist reluctantly handing your phone over to them, saying “yeah sure, but respect the queue though”.

You're not overly keen on drinking games because it means you have to turn the music down

The reason is obvious: the music has to be turned down. You are far too busy to tell everyone where you've had sex in public when focussing on the pre-J duties. If someone asks you to "turn the music down a bit", you'll not speak to that person for the rest of the night as you're adamant "people were enjoying it".

Hell on Earth for the pre-J

Hell on Earth for the pre-J

You know exactly what the "vibe" is 100 per cent of the time

You take the 'vibe' very seriously. You'll take the song requests on board, but if you think the song is a poor choice and will weaken the vibe, then you'll probably just have to shake your head to ensure they don't stick on Despacito for the third time that night.

You have at least one 'joke song', which will be played without fail

Of course, to you the tunes that go on during pres are no laughing matter, but sometimes you have to let your hair down. There'll be a point in the night when you'll want to play to your audience a bit more. Every pres, you'll stick the same 'joke song' on, and every time you do it, you think it's the funniest thing that's ever happened.

The better pre-J's will have an inoffensive 'joke song' that everybody is bound to love, like Angels. The rookies amongst will go for something slightly bolder, like ‘Feed Them To The Lions’, and obviously that's never as well received.

My kingdom come, pre-drinks will be done

My kingdom come, pre-drinks will be done

Your phone password will be impossible to guess

There is absolutely no way you'd have a 4-digit password, it would definitely be six. It would be a complicated mash-up of numbers, not your date of birth, or your first name – the last thing you want is someone getting on your phone and therefore having the power.

You'll only play 30 second previews to songs other people have requested before getting back on the playlist

Song requests are often entirely out of the question when you're on duty, but on a good night, you'll be open for requests. However, enough can be enough. If you have too many requests, you'll give people a good thirty seconds of their song, just so that you can get back on to your playlist sooner.

Pres are less enjoyable if you're not on the music

You love being in charge of the music, and everyone loves you being in control of the music. If you can help it, you'll stay sat in the same seat all night, ensuring the music remains on top form and the queue doesn't get bombarded with so-called 'bangers' from some random NOW 64 album.

If you need the toilet, then this is a huge burden. You'll probably end up taking your phone to the toilet with you, the speaker as well if you can. If this isn’t possible, you'll just have to bolt out of the room in hope that when you return you still have your crown as the pre-J.