Here’s exactly which Love Actually character your college is, based on vibes
‘At Christmas we tell the truth’
It depends on who you ask but the general internet consensus is that Durham University is not in the top 10 anymore, and if it is, it’s pushing it. Well, the same could be said for the Richard Curtis’ 2003 classic Love Actually, which to my shock horror is not number one on every single Christmas movie ranking. In fact, the highest I’ve seen it is at number six, which funnily enough used to be our top spot.
Considering how close our destinies seem to be, it seemed only right and within the Christmas spirit to see which Love Actually character is which college. Scroll and find out…
Billy Mack – John Snow
Yes, I know, controversial. But hear me out… Despite your location being halfway to London I’ve got a soft spot for you Snow and I think it’s time for you to get into the booth and make a comeback, just like Billy Mack!
The college’s namesake’s discovery of the so-called cholera pump”was integral to medical discoveries, and Bill Nighy’s nude performance at the end of the film was integral to some of my own discoveries.
Billy Mack says it himself: Come on and let it Snow
Joe – South
Bless you poor old South. Just like Joe you’re living in the shadow of Billy Mack/John Snow, but everyone knows you’re a sweetheart whose just trying your best. You can’t help it that no one even knows where you are! However, I’m sure just like Joe, we’ll start to appreciate you in the end.
However long it takes, your wait time for the bus into town will take longer.
Juliet – Castle
“I look quite pretty.” Okay we get it, yes you do! You’re stunning, just like Kiera Knightley – you know it and so does everyone else.
Everyone wishes we went there, and just like jealous Mark and his camcorder we aren’t subtle about it.
Mark – St. Johns
I hope you’re not as creepy as Mark, but if anyone is going to serenade their crush with a song about the birth of Christ it’s going to be you! But don’t worry it’s not over for you yet – have you seen Andrew Lincoln’s glow up in The Walking Dead?
Let go of those hymn books and start fighting some zombies (Jimmy’s is a great place to start) and I think it will do you some good.
Aurelia – Chad’s
Shy and unassuming, but I love you! Both your bar and beer garden are gorgeous – you’re my guilty Bailey pleasure coming from a proud Hill college girl. You sometimes get forgotten amongst the big names of the Bailey, but don’t worry I would learn a whole other language and travel to a different country for you.
Tu és linda xoxo
Jamie – Cuth’s
It feels like ever since Jack Edwards roamed the halls you guys haven’t be able to escape the literary chains of hundred of English Lit students begging you to let them in (guilty…) So of course you have to be sexy, sexy Jamie.
I would also beg for Colin Firth.
Harry – St. Aidan’s
I’m going to be honest, it’s my final year here at Durham and I am yet to venture up those stairs to you. Huge apologies, but I just don’t think I can put myself through the gruelling effort of going up those stairs. It only makes sense then, to send cheating scumbag Harry up that same hellish hill as a just punishment for the way he treated his wife.
Still not over it (the cheating and the stairs).
Karen – Grey
Just like Karen’s husband overlooks her, all the other colleges overlook you. If “Grey by name, Grey by nature” had a soundtrack to it, I’m sure Joni Mitchell’s Both Sides Now would be included. Depressing and slow – just like the walk up the hill.
Yet, just like Karen you are overcoming your slump with the new and improved Greyhound Bar – congratulations!
Mia – Mary’s
You used to be girls only until 2005 and last year were the gayest college, with 57.89 per cent of you identifying as LGBTQ+! Clearly just like Mia, you are for the girls and the gays only. Mia may be a home wrecker, but she looked damn sexy doing it. She would’ve had the TikTok girlies gaging for her OOTDs and her Amazon storefront.
Mia would slay Revival fashion show no doubt about it.
David – Hatfield
Predictable, but had to be done. In the current political climate it’s unlikely anyone but a Hatfielder is going to see the inside of Number 10, let alone live there. However, there is the pro that Hugh Grant somehow makes being Prime Minister sexy – think it’s the dancing? But he does have a portrait of Maggie Thatcher that wouldn’t look out of place in the Hatfield dining room.
Think it’s all rather fitting.
Natalie – Trevs
Unproblematic and adorable. Feel like Natalie exudes the same likeable and cosy energy that you do, and maybe if she was PM instead of David, Number 10 would look like Trevs. Way more fun.
She is unapologetically herself and to me there’s nowhere truer to themself than Trevs.
Daniel – Ustinov
I’ve never experienced it first hand, but I have it on good authority that there are some DILFs in Ustinov. Liam Neeson plays one of the hottest fathers on telly in this film, so I feel it’s only right I give him to you.
Hope this makes up for the fact that you’re not a real college xx
Sam – Van Mildert
My favourite thing about you Mildert is your college drink “the little lad,” so in lieu of this I’ve given you the littlest lad: Sam.
However, this may have to be revised due to the fact that Thomas Brodie-Sangster was probably 30 when playing the 10 year old, but oh well.
Karl – Collingwood
Fine, do you want me to say it? Sports can be sexy! I hate to admit it, but being sporty doesn’t hurt anyone’s game as far as I can tell (unless it’s something stupid like polo – but is that a sport? I don’t know.) Karl is smoking hot and with a body like that he had to be on a college sports team.
He’d fit right in with you Collingwood, as despite his good looks I can also imagine him mansplaining the economy to me as foreplay.
Colin – Hild Bede
Sorry babes, but you might as well be in America with Colin you’re so far away. However, Colin ‘s game is impressive and he is one of the most iconic characters in the film.
If I had ever seen any of you this side of the river I would imagine you’re just the same.
John and Judy – Butler and Stevo
Always together, and you know what? You slay together as well! Cute and wholesome, but with a naughty side (I know what you lot do on that mound.)
Sorry you can’t escape each other, but who says it isn’t true love?
Featured image via Youtube