Look At My F**king Red Trousers!

Lookatmyfuckingredtrousers.blogspot.com is an online blog that celebrates, and revels in, the upper-middle class act of wearing red trousers. It's collection of photos documents the various styles and tones of the pantalon rouge worn by self-assured, affluent men up and down the country (although mainly from the home counties).

This blog astutely captures the symbolism of wearing red trousers (or RTs as some people like to call them); a symbolism that is particularly pertinent in Durham, a hot spot for RT wearers. Whether they are sauntering through the aisles of Tesco or staggering towards Klute, RT wearers can be seen in their droves.

In fact, a group of St Cuthbert’s Society’s undergrads (the self styled ‘Red Trouser Society’) recently featured on the blog (see right).

So, what exactly does it mean to wear red trousers? What are the hallmarks of a red trouser wearer, other than the obvious?

The moment a man slips on a pair of glorious RTs he adopts an alter ego; an alter ego that shouts form the hill tops, “Look at my f*cking red trousers!” He becomes twice as suave, twice as charismatic and thrice as darn gentlemanly. Moreover, he is inducted into a sartorial secret society of bloody good chaps who are too bloody eccentric to wear bloody boring coloured trousers.

In a pair of blue jeans members of this society are just like you and me, but once they don a pair of RTs, they're empowered.

When they encounter each other at parties and social gatherings, RT-ers thrive. Their trousers light up like glowing beacons and the wearers immediately gravitate to one another. Having exchanged small talk and shared political views ("I hear Labour want to ban red trousers!"), a close friendship is forged and soon enough A has invited B to a shoot at his country pad.

If a male non-RT wearer approaches, the RT wearers will usually be polite, greeting said person with a firm hand shake and a pat on the back, before taking a glance at his navy trousers and then returning to his conversation.

However, a subtle increase in the elongation of his vowels and an even more booming laugh will discreetly let the navy trouser wearer know that he is not welcome.

If the men are approached by a female, on the other hand, then the story is very different. In this scenario, elongated vowels and a booming chuckle take on a different significance, serving as a sort of mating call. On hearing these familiar sounds, blue-blooded women flock to RT wearers.

All the while, the male does his best to draw attention to his trousers; hands in pockets, hips thrust forward.

When they are not wearing their RTs (probably because they are being washed or have worn out from overuse), RT wearers are tricky to spot. Without their red trousers they become more demure and reserved. They are no longer able to cluster together with their fellow RT society members and, therefore, integrate with the normies.

This is why it is essential to be acquainted with your friends’ wardrobes, just in case an RT-er is under your nose.

If you do discover that a friend or even housemate owns a pair of RTs, do not hold it against them but be wary the next time the dress code is smart casual; their RT alter-ego may surface.