If musical theatre characters were alcoholic drinks

Most theatre goers also love alcohol. We wouldn’t push our way through the hoards of people to get to the bar in the interval if we didn’t. As a result, we’ve compiled a nice list comparing alcoholic drinks to some of your favourite musical theatre characters.

Beer – Elphaba, Wicked

Beer can make you defy gravity, if you drink enough…

Good for making friends and enemies. Also a reliable way to end up sleeping with your best friend’s boyf (No Good Deed, am i rite??). It’s cheap (offer alert!), classic and if have too much it’s like being stuck in the Emerald City.

White wine – Mama Rose, Gypsy

So let me entertain you…

Favoured by the older generation, white wine matches well with the maturity and class that oozes from ‘Gypsy’. Much like Mama versus her daughter, you can’t help leaving the night knowing deep down, that the wine was the better choice over all the rest of the drinks on offer.

Lambrini – Warner Huntington III, Legally Blonde

Looks like he’s trying to get ‘serious’.

It’s cheap, it’s tacky but it still ends up being associated with the more important of the alcoholic beverages (wine). Most importantly, unlike Elle, who matures as the show progresses, it still remains gross. Much like after you dated that dickhead, it’s best that this drink is well forgotten. After all, other drinks are ‘So Much Better’.

WKDs – Lord Farquad, Shrek the Musical

Not quite as handsome as I remember?

Small, annoying, a slight guilty pleaseure but still something that should  really remain resolutely in your past.

Jager bombs – Scaramouche, We Will Rock You

Interestingly, alcohol can help you find somebody to love.

Like a jukebox musical, it’s a classic and easy to devour. It’s fun, fiesty and much like the drink, is universally popular (everyone loves Queen).  However, both can leave you painfully screaching the lyrics to ‘We Are The Champions’ and clapping like an idiot.

Flaming Sambuca shot – Fantine, Les Miserables

Just die already.

A bit like the ‘lovely lady’ herself this goes from a solid ten to about a 2 pretty sharpish. Somewhere between the idea of having it, and drinking it, it becomes very grim very quickly and you’re left feeling a little like death. To top it all off, the whole thing is over very quickly, much like the role of Fantine.

Sex on the beach – Mary Poppins, Mary Poppins

‘A spoonful of sugar’ around the rim of the glass also makes it go down quicker.

Practically perfect in everyway, and best served with an umbrella. Addictive and sickly sweet, much like the songs from the show.