Cambridge tops the Crabs league table

No Crabs isn’t an acronym for another irrelevant academic league table.

Though we shouldn’t be too hard on ourselves, as only 5% of us have been unfortunate enough to contract a sexually transmitted infection.

The figures, revealed in The Tab’s sex survey of 12,708 students across 36 unis, show we are one of the least filthy unis in the country.

Sex in Sussex is basically a game of Russian Roulette, with 13% of students infected with something.

Among the unlucky few who did catch something nasty, chlamydia was the most common by a long way. Four-fifths of students who’ve had an STI have found themselves with a dose of the clap.

We feel obliged to point out that 90% of people with Herpes are unaware they had it, so please get tested before filling out any more surveys.

The STI news follows Friday’s revelation that the average student has slept with nine people in their lives.

A quarter of girls lie about the number of people they’ve slept with – 20% say they’ve slept with fewer than they have, whereas 5% bump their number up.

Of the 22% of boys who lie, 12% increase their number, compared to 10% who drop it. Yet again machismo bullshit winning through…

As with all Tab surveys, we urge you to take these results with a pinch of salt. Look out for part three next week, when we look at sexuality.

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