We discovered the best way to walk down Cantock Steps
Miracles can happen
On a cloudy Thursday afternoon, I decided to settle once and for all what is the best way to walk down Cantock steps.
Located near the medical library, it is one of the most direct routes to the Chemistry building. Even lowly humanities students are sometimes forced to descend them in order to use the 'wonderful' lecture theatres.
As soon as the post lecture rush began we started to collect statistics, we wanted to know what the most popular method of tackling the steps was. Quickly we discovered that there are two distinct options.
The first, which is generally employed by the vertically challenged among the student body, is the double step.
This method involves taking two steps per step, stepping down with the same foot each time. This gives the walker a limp like gait, which some of the student body counteracted by adding a little skip.
The second method, the wide step, tended to be employed by the tall (and largely male) members of the student body. Our stature means we pick up speed as we walk, ending our descent at the furious speed of a plane about to take flight, all while looking alarming like a leaping hare. Or an idiot.
After our careful data analysis, we decided to turn the questions to you, the students, to hear what you think of the steps and how best we should tackle them.
The first people we spoke to were self-confessed Cantock virgins. Both students employed the wide step method (or as they called it the bounce method), but shrewdly noticed that "if you’re late for a lecture you’re fucked." Thank you, Orwell, your observations were crucial to our investigation.
— Bristol University (@BristolUni) December 18, 2016
The next student we spoke to, 3rd year Engineering student Beth is fan of the "awkward shuffle method" as she called it, a mixture of wide steps and double steps.
As her credentials may suggest, she was able to offer a brilliant solution to the Cantock step problem, a slide. I think I speak on the behalf of the entire student body when I say that is a fantastic idea, which I hope everyone will take on board.
Finally, we were given some crucial insider information by a couple of students who wished to remain anonymous. They let us in on a theory, a theory which up until now has been in the possession of a privilege few.
A theory so controversial it has the potential to rip this university apart.
The steps were built for horses.
At first, I was shocked, horrified even, but then I began thinking, what else, other than a horse has a step so preposterously broad?
So, in conclusion, the best method of getting down the Cantock Steps, be a horse.
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