13 things I learnt on the Bristol University ski trip

Three weeks ago, I, like half of Bristol Uni, decamped to Alpe D’Huez for a week of pure powder and partying.

Seven days of skiing saw a fair few incidents, though few of them could match the drama of the guy who jumped off the second floor balcony
to avoid a €100 noise complaint and ended up paying €400 in hospital bills.

Below is the one stop shop guide to everything I learnt on this year's UoB ski trip….

1) It is as fun as everyone says it is

I’m sorry to say that those endless Instagrams you’ve seen and the thrilling stories you’ve heard are in fact, as good as they seem.

2) You don’t have to have been skiing since your 1st birthday

Really, you won’t be the only one! And added bonus if your friends are novices too – it’ll be a laugh and you’ll bond whilst stacking it down a mountain together.

3) But if you are semi professional, you wont be alone either

Used to racing down the slopes and waiting an hour for the rest of the family to join you at the bottom because your skiing gift is like no other? Don’t worry, most of your friends will have done a season in Val too so you’ll have plenty of healthy competition.

Professional? More like pro-seshional amirite

4) If you can’t ski, you will be able to by the end of the week

I mean, this is clearly dependent on your attitude and your balance but you’ll definitely be able to stand up on your skis by day four!

5) If you aren’t a confident skier, don’t make the mistake of taking your skis to apres

You will be forced to ski down – no exceptions, no pity no mercy.

Going back down on the ski lift has its perks anyway.

6) It is like one big Stoke Bishop reunion

And not just for first years. The Old Stoke Bishopians congregate in the alps too in aim of reliving their wild times in Hiatt Baker.

Here we see the whole of Churchill Hall in their element

7) Weird middle aged men somehow go to the exclusive Bristol events and its slightly disconcerting

"Oh hi Barry mate, you enjoying Hospitality?" Barry is 55 and clearly loves a bit of dirty bassline and being surrounded by scantily-clad girls in sequins and edgy looking young men. Makes him feel young again. We still don’t know how he got let in.

8) You get a complimentary custom UBSC condom

Such a necessity. Well, you know your money didn’t get spent on luxury transport so it had to be spent some way, and what better than some latex in a UBSC wrapper? Only got one per room though, deal with that how you wish…

Thnx bbz x

9) 24 hours on a coach really isn’t great

Severe lack of leg room and 90 per cent chance you’ll end up behind the one guy on the coach who decides to fully recline his seat for the whole 24 hours. We had the pleasure of listening to our very Irish bus drivers sing their versions of the lyrics to every ACDC song ever produced. All day and all night.

10) Bring a cork screw if you're a wine drinker

The rooms aren’t particularly well equipped. Don’t make that rookie error. Or just buy screw tops I guess.

Just as well we got the bananas and Uncle Bens Mexican rice after all!

11) Do not buy the two euro wine under any circumstances

… Unless you want to feel like all of your organs are being corroded by paint stripper. You’ll crave Echo Falls more than ever before.

12) The reps are… hit and miss?

Seriously, our rep (we will call him Nigel for the sake of anonymity) turned up to our room pissed every night and spent 15 minutes on our sofa asking us what day of the week it was. He also told us a nice story about how the girl next door offered him a full body oil massage in return for free entry to an event. All of the events are free. He accepted the oiled massage. Need I say more?

Never. Again.

13) You’ll eat a lot of cheese and bread

I dunno maybe this was just me but I never want to see a baguette again.