This is what really happens in an all girl flat

All girl flats. Three words that conjure up a hundred different stereotypes and a fair few adolescent fantasies. People think our periods sync as accurately as their iTunes, that all we do is engage in pillow fights and bitch fests, that we loathe beer and despise toilet humour.

As someone who has survived (and thrived) in an all oestrogen environment, allow me to slay these myths one by one, and tell you what life is REALLY like in an all girl flat.

My squad on point

Boys aren’t everything

We like a chat about boys occasionally but they’re not the centre of our attention. Although, we have of course read every flirty message you ever sent to us and are all still pissed that you were a total prick last night.

Sometimes boys get the wrong idea and think that because you are in an all girl flat you must be desperately deprived of the D.

Making male friends is a lot harder, your friend’s friends are usually girls and when boys come round they always look afraid. We do joke around that we’re a coven but it’s all too close to the truth. We cackle at our dinner table, tease boys and we have a cauldron… but it’s for drinking purposes (honest)!

We’re actually kinda gross

We like to compliment each other’s burps if they’re good ones and if you chunder we’re just gonna laugh, not help you (sorry). Last time I tried to do that with my drunken housemate, she spat her sicky water all over me because she thought it would be “funny”.

But by far the grossest thing about our flat is that there are hair tumbleweeds everywhere and a jar in our kitchen with a mysterious cloudy liquid in it.

We have no idea what it is but we have become very attached and refuse to throw it away.

Every day is Dolmio day

We take a while to look this good

Ok, yes. It’s true. Girls take FOREVER to get ready. I take 10 minutes and I cannot stand waiting around for my mate to do her winged eyeliner for another 20.

Everyone is up for a little sit down in a towel on your bed scrolling through your newsfeed until the paranoia of someone watching you half naked through your camera kicks in and you decide its time to get dressed.

For an all girl flat you have to lie about the time you need to leave so that you will be LESS late leaving. Otherwise you risk breaking our own personal best of a record TWO HOURS late.

I am my own man

As for pillow fights…

Boys, look away now if you don’t want to know the brutal truth. We don’t have pillow fights. Sorry, but it just isn’t convenient- there’s never enough pillows in one room, the logistics are all wrong.

However, all is not lost. We do like to show each other our new lingerie, with one of my housemates offering to judge our nudes to tell us which one looks best.

Sometimes we walk around half naked after emerging from the shower- we’re all women so why does it matter if you’re just wearing a small towel? One of my girls is always cooking in barely anything- the neighbours love it when they get an accidental flash from the window. Must be doing wonders for local property prices…

Me in real life

We’re actually complete lads

I like beer, football and boxing. I also like dancing and make up- can’t a girl have both? There’s nothing we hate more than when a boy congratulates us on liking beer. What are we supposed to say? “I’d like to thank my dad for giving me my first sip of lager when I was five!”

Don’t patronise us, we don’t like that.

Girls can have one-night stands and not be attached too, I’ve seen plenty of my female friends experimenting and they feel just fine the next day without seeing them again.

There’s not that much drama

Everyone seem to think that female flats are carnage. Whenever I told someone that I’d been put in an all girl flat their response would always be: “Oh, I’m sorry.” But for me, it’s ideal because we literally never fight.

I’m sure in some girls flats it might be completely different and it’s just 24/7 bitching about how “Becky slept with Amy’s boyfriend again” etc.

Not us. We’re so laid back, we’re practically horizontal. We don’t even whine that much about our periods.

I’ll admit, it is interesting to have a chat about them, see how each other’s are going, sympathise and congratulate one another on not being pregnant but aside from that, we’re nothing like the crying, hysterical stereotypes of popular imagination.

I love my all girls flat and I wouldn’t change it for the world. Come see for yourself!

Although I can’t promise that we wont make a voodoo doll of you and throw it in the cauldron. And make sure to give us advance warning so you don’t catch us indecently exposed.