The Tab Bristol’s US election night drinking game

If Trump wins, down everything


So it’s all come down to this.

After 18 months of shocks, shifts, smears and squabbles on Tuesday 8th November the United States will have to make a difficult decision: to choose between a pensioner who can’t send emails properly or a misogynistic tangerine due in court next month over child rape charges.

Tough choice.

To help you through the hair-raising ordeal of watching the results, we’ve created The Tab US Election Night Drinking Game.

Drink a finger when:

A safe red/blue state declares

An angry Trump supporter screams “China!” “Build a Wall!” or “Crooked Hillary!”

The following clichés are mentioned: “It all comes down to turnout”, “Too close to call”, “It’s going to be a long night”, “The stakes couldn’t be higher”.

Camera cuts to crowds at Times Square

A news anchor talks excitedly to an animated touch screen

Drink two fingers if:

A battleground state declares- Florida, Iowa, Nevada, North Carolina, and Ohio

Megan Kelly looks smug after the Democrats win somewhere

Touch screens fail to work

A distraught millennial claims they still “Feel the Bern!”

Trump insults a news presenter

Drink continuously:

Clinton coughs in her concession/victory speech

Fox News pundit mentions the phrase “Rigged election”

A “Make America Great Again” cap appears on screen

Trump goes on a ballistic tweetstorm mid election night

Down your drink if:

Obama whips out his birth certificate

Julian Assange pops up and endorses Hillary

News presenter tells Trump “You’re fired”

Bill Clinton is caught chirpsing an intern

And if Trump wins:

Down everything, literally everything.

Beer, brandy, Bacardi, bleach – drink whatever you can lay your hands on. The world’s going to get annihilated – why don’t you?