There’s nothing more mental than a tragic night out in leafy Reigate

Move over yummy mummies cos the Surrey youth iz ‘ere

A town notorious for being full of yummy mummies, posh totties and finance brokers who commute to the city each day, plays host to ‘Surrey’s Ultimate Student Night’. Gift shops, cafés and women’s clothing stores fill the high-street, yet the lack of things to do in Reigate doesn’t discourage the teens; every Thursday the majority of Surrey’s youth hit the town.

Although we aren’t as lively as neighbouring Guildford, one night a week nearly every kid in Surrey emerge to get loose on Daddy’s debit card buying £2 drinks all night long. If this truly is this the ‘ultimate’ student night in Surrey then I’m dissatisfied.

The pre’s part one

More often than not the night will start off with you probably just preing at one of your mate’s houses with some cheap vodka you just picked up from the local Morrison’s. They normally involve rapid drinking, dynamic dancing and normally one or two people running home to change their shoes to fit in with the dress code for the main club.

The pre’s part two

Depending on how drunk you are you may go for a quick drink before you enter the club. The Market Stores is a classic pub for pre’s (if you can afford the price of the drinks) as it’s full of rustic wooden floors, barrels for tables (????), and middle aged men in suits who have just finished work up in London and are going for a cheeky pint on a Thursday evening.

You’ll probably bump into some 22-year-olds who will reminisce with you about how they used to go out in Reigate but can no longer as their finance careers are beginning to take off. But, on Thursdays, it gets taken over by the Surrey massive. Goodbye to the people who don’t want to queue up for 2 hours just to get into the club, goodbye to the people who are a bit too drunk to make it in and the people who are still wearing their trainers (will they ever learn?). Once everyone is appropriately bevved you make your way to the only vaguely decent club – JJ Whispers. No matter what the new sign says, it will NEVER be Mishiko’s.

The club (the only one – except for Joules which is just for middle aged cougars who are trying to recapture their youth):

It’s safe to say that any vaguely cool, middle class teenager in Surrey has queued up for three hours just to get inside of the clammy, crowded ‘Cocktail Bar’, JJ Whispers, to get absolutely loose on a Thursday. #CanYouHearTheWhispers? You certainly won’t be able to as JJs bangs out the latest club classics (which they claim to be House/ RnB) on student night. You’ll definitely bump into posh boys in buttoned down shirts, skinny jeans and loafers gathering in troupes to mosh to ‘Will Griggs on Fire’ on the sweaty, cramped dance floor.

How long was she posing like this I wonder? Photo credit: Mishiko’s

As the night progresses in Surrey’s own Fabric (almost), the girls – wearing high heels and everything from Missguided- will be vigorously dropping it like it’s hot, as they’re approached by weird older men who should know better but only go out on Thursdays to pull younger girls. By this point in the night you’ll start to get an urge which can only mean one thing: food.

The post club munchies

After you eventually manage to escape the confines of JJs (it will literally take you about 15 mins to get out and round all your mates together because it’s so jam packed) the next stage involves getting some food. The lack of fast food restaurants in Reigate is disheartening. If you peak too early, you’ll probably make it to Reigate Kebab and Burger House, or the newly opened Chicken Time before it shuts at a discouraging 10pm. If you’re lucky enough the designated driver may drive you all the way to the 24hr Drive Thru in Salfords. Or if you’re like my friend you’ll spend an hour tirelessly marching up and down the high street seeing if any of the numerous restaurants are open, maybe seeing if the local Thai – ‘Giggling Squid’- has any chicken satay they can give you… can you get more Surrey?

Next week? You’ll do it all again

After having a recovery Carluccio’s breakfast the next morning, you’ll most likely spend the rest of the weekend wondering why you even bothered to go out in Reigate when you can just go to Guildford, or even get a train up to London (if you’re feeling extravagant). You’ll probably be looking forward to the Christmas JJs reunion which sees the return of everyone either from their Gap Yahs or from Exetah uni. There is absolutely nothing to do in Reigate but you’ll still return next Thursday for more outlandish antics out in the sweet Surrey suburb.