How to have the best Christmas meal in your Selly house

Feast your mince pies on this

Before you pack your bags and head on back home to warmth, love, and a full fridge, you have one last mountain to overcome this semester: house Christmas Dinner.

If even the thought of a defrosting turkey brings a bead of sweat to your forehead – read on. We’re here with our guide to getting you through Birmingham Christmas and pulling off the best roast you’ve had all year… until your mum knocks us off top spot, of course.

Elegant decorations

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This is the much needed excuse to hold a primary school style craft sesh that you’ve been waiting for since term began and doubles up as a three-essays-due-tomorrow stress reliever.

With proper adult supervision, your housemates can turn your drab Selly house into a Santa’s grotto akin to those seen in shopping centres across the Midlands.

Food that probably wont make your housemates ill 

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Once you’ve tried and failed to food shop in Little Tesco before giving up and getting an Uber to Big Sainsbury’s, it’s time to get cooking.

Don’t worry if you find yourself calling home: nobody gets through dinner prep without a glass (bottle) of wine and mum on the other end of the phone.

Even took a few bits of broccoli...

You’re faced with a turkey, giblets and all, and no idea how to cook it and there’s only one place to turn – the home that’s successfully provided for you for that last two decades.

Swallow your pride early and get a full break down of turkey prep and maybe you’ll pull off some decent spuds too. Be warned though, some part of your meal has to give: you’re either getting burnt Yorkshires or overly limp vegetables.

Festive garms

Turkey snapbacks are this year's hot item

Turkey snapbacks are this year’s hot item

You’re not doing Christmas right if you haven’t invested heavily in garish novelty clothing. Any self-respecting host includes a pre-requisite of fancy dress for all those attending.

If you’re an invitee, why not forgo the tired old Christmas jumper and stand out with a novelty lid instead.


Who really has the cash for gifts at university? Whichever housemate suggested this either has a job, or is so deep into their overdraft that the minus sign in their bank statement no longer registers in their vision.

Buying gifts is unnecessary – the pleasure of your yearlong company should be enough. But if you can’t convince them otherwise then Secret Santa is the way forward.

Not only will your Aldi buy be safely held in anonymity, but you only need to fork out that three quid once.

Dinner 2014

With this fool-proof guide you are now well on your way to snapchatting a feature length film of House Christmas.

Don’t worry if all fails though, just grab a few bottles of mulled wine from Drinks-to-Go and drink ’til the sprouts look appealing.

This is only the warm up anyway, it’ll be mum’s sweat and tears come December 25th. As it should be.