This is exactly what the House of the Dragon characters would have as their Tinder bios

Their family WhatsApp group would be just as explicit tbh

3 months ago

I cannot fathom the chaos that would be sown if Tinder existed in Westeros. The Targaryens are a crazy horny family (often at it with each other), which was best shown by the boatloads upon boatloads of silver haired Targaryen bastards Rhaenyra manage to recruit as potential dragonriders. And that was just in King’s Landing – half of the House of the Dragon has been living on Dragonstone for years, there could be just as many bastards hiding there, or anywhere in Westeros.

The Targs get at it. So, in the spirit of romance, here’s what each House of the Dragon character would have as a Tinder bio.

Aegon

via HBO

Bio: “DTF tonight?”

Anthem: Tonight (I’m Lovin’ You) – Enrique Iglesias

Let’s start with Aegon, who would undoubtedly be Westeros’ most prolific swipe fiend. His fingers would be worked to the bone by the sheer frequency of his swipes. Of course, now, he’ll have to get someone to help him out with that as I don’t imagine his burned fingers would work too well for the task, they’d probably stick to the screen or something similarly gruesome. I guess, it’ll be Larys who’d be helping him out with that as we saw them sneaking out of King’s Landing together in the final minutes of season two. I shudder to think what Larys clubfoot would get up to on Tinder.

Ser Criston Cole

via HBO

Bio: “Looking for love, let’s use the six months it’ll take for you to help me strip my armour off to get to know each other”

Anthem: Hero – Enrique Iglesias

This Wicked press tour clip is getting utterly dragged and has become a massive meme

Nathan breaks silence on MAFS UK split and reveals Lacey left him ‘heartbroken’

Omg, one of the MAFS UK couples has ‘secretly reunited’ to ‘give relationship another go’

The Lord Commander of the Kingsguard would be another Westerosi Tinder fan. What sets him apart from again is that he’d fall madly in love with every girl on the app and be getting his heartbroken on the daily.

Rhaenyra

via HBO

Bio: “Help me win the crown and ask nicely, and maybe I’ll sit on more than the Iron Throne.”

Anthem: Good Luck, Babe! – Chappell Roan

Rhaenyra is another House of the Dragon character that would get up to some shameless shenanigans on Tinder. The rightful Queen of the Seven Kingdoms (yeah I said it, and what?) is also the queen of inappropriate romantic choices.

Alicent

via HBO

Bio: “Mummy to four beautiful babies, if you can’t get on board with my kids then get lost.”

Anthem: Brown Eyed Girl – Van Morrison

Alicent loves a romp in the hay so her House of the Dragon Tinder bio would be suggestive but it would defo be a secret account. She can’t ruin her good girl reputation after all.

Daemon

via HBO

Bio: “How do you filter by age on this app?”

Anthem: We Are Family – Sister Sledge

Daemon would unquestionably use Tinder to get up to some adult fun, but in this make believe world in which random 21st century phone apps and dragons both exist, he’d spend more time looking for a little lovin’ on Ancestry.com.

Aemond

via HBO

Bio: “Looking for someone to catch my eye. I’ll show you my massive dragon.”

Anthem: Mrs. Robinson – Simon & Garfunkel

Tinder wouldn’t be the right app for Aemond in all honesty. One, Aemond likes to find much much older woman, and two, he’d then want to have have weird Freudian naked cuddles being cradled in her lap. Shudder.

Otto Hightower

via HBO

Bio: “Widower. Likes long walks on the beach, Sunday roasts and Machiavellian political manoeuvring.”

Anthem: My Heart Will Go On – Celine Dion

Otto is another who probably wouldn’t use Tinder all that much, that being said, if he turned his skills at manipulating kings to the world of dating apps, he’d be literally the most toxic person ever.

King Viserys

via HBO

Bio: “Give me some sons and I’ll give you my heart, big plus if you get on well with my daughter.”

Anthem:Killing Me Softly With His Song – Fugees, ft. Lauryn Hill

With his wife gone, Viserys wouldn’t be in a rush to find love again. But he would be in a rush for some sons to secure the future of the realm. So he’d see Tinder as a means to an end.

Mysaria

via HBO

Bio: “Don’t want kids. I just wanna scheme. Whiteworm.”

Anthem: Paint The Town Red – Doja Cat

Mysaria would be that one girl who’s a serial Tinder window shopper. For her it’s just one massive game of smash or pass.

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