The John Lewis uni essentials list is out again and it’s as ridiculous as ever

The first thing any self-respecting incoming fresher does when they open their A-Level results and finally get that UCAS acceptance email, is to immediately start planning what they’ll be packing for halls. Obviously the list will revolve around booze and fancy dress outfits for socials, but there are loads of other important but boring university essentials, like saucepans and towels – and John Lewis is here with a helpful list of things for uni that are definitely very “essential” and not middle class at all.

The list does have some actually useful things, like a clothes airer you can hook over your radiator, pasta bowls, and blankets. But there’s also an almost £400 desk, crystal prosecco glasses, and a glass teapot. Good luck going into halls with any of those.

Here are the most ridiculous and unessential things on the John Lewis university essentials 2022 list:

Food presentation rings, £8

I’m going to level with you and say I had no idea what these were, but the product description says they are “ideal for eggs, terrines and shaping mashed potatoes or stacking vegetables and rice. For the final course, you can use them for cheesecakes, mousse and layered desserts.” Who actually uses these if you’re not some kind of gourmet chef?? Pesto pasta doesn’t require food presentation rings, end of.

A sit/stand desk accessory, £364

At first I thought this was almost £400 for a desk, but no – it’s a desk accessory. Aka, the thing that’s sitting on top of the desk in the image. You can raise or lower it so you can sit at the desk like normal with it down, or convert your desk into a standing desk with it up. Maybe handy for when you’re living in Clapham and doing a grad scheme at EY, but what uni student is using this, even if they had the money for it?

Crystal prosecco glass, £14

This does look very nice, but it doesn’t really look any different to a bog standard prosecco glass – which crucially wouldn’t be either made of crystal glass nor cost £14 for one singular glass. Prosecco out of a grotty mug is a uni rite of passage, stick with that.

Egg topper, £6

This is essentially a can opener but for boiled eggs, it has little metal teeth inside the circle and you can move the handles like scissors, to cut the top off a boiled egg. Ok then.

Glass teapot, £15

If you’re interested, this completely necessary teapot can make five cups of tea, and you can use either tea bags or loose leaf tea in it. Thank god, how else could Cordelia survive in halls without it?

Two lamps, £45

Okay so these lamps are kind of aesthetic, the fact they turn on and off with touch is quite cool, and lamps are low-key very essential for any uni room because halls lighting is not the vibe. But will you have space for two lamps, and do you really have a spare £45 for them?

Not one, not two, but three sieves, £10

One (normal-sized) sieve? Absolutely. But three, including one that is literally tiny? No one needs that, and no halls kitchen cupboard has the space for that. Just get one normal-sized one and wash it up.

Three succulents, £38

I am literally begging you to go to Ikea instead, no one needs gold succulent pots.

Egg poachers, £14

The perfect addition to your iced coffee and avo toast brunch, which you cook and eat after sleeping through your entire day’s worth of seminars. The John Lewis uni essentials 2022 list has at least two other types of egg poacher (£7.49 and £2 a pop), both of which can be used to poach eggs in the microwave, if you care. Imagine the smell. I’m glad I don’t live in your halls kitchen.

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