Green Green Grass George Ezra

George Ezra’s Green Green Grass is the worst song ever and these cursed lyrics prove it

When will we know peace from its evil grip?

Every once in a while, a song arrives to us that we wish hadn’t. We had it with that insufferable song about being seven years old in 2015. We endured the unrelenting barrage of Dance Monkey for the entirety of 2019. These are songs that make us wish they never existed in the first place. Enter George Ezra’s 2022 single Green Green Grass: A song so insufferable it doesn’t make me wish the song didn’t exist, it makes me wish that I didn’t. It makes me wish I had never been born. Why? What is it about the pain and the suffering of Green Green Grass by George Ezra that makes it THEE worst song, and makes me loathe it than any other track I’ve ever heard?

George Ezra is not always my nemesis

I do not have a premeditated loathing for this man, and I need to make this clear. I have been known to tap a toe or two to Shotgun, Budapest and Paradise. But Green Green Grass takes anything remotely likeable about George Ezra and stomps all over it with the most garbage lyricism you’ve ever encountered.

Lyrically, this song is a crime

Ezra claims this song is inspired lyrically by a trip to St Lucia he went on in 2018, which clearly made a profound impression on him because he didn’t decide to write anything about it until four years later. I understand that the sentiment is all about a different perspective on death – and seeing reason to celebrate the life and throw a party rather than be morose. But my true issue here is the main lines of this song. Green green grass and blue blue sky. Yes the sky is blue and yes the grass is green. Despite the fact we live in a country with a lot of cloud and besides the fact that we’re enduring grass that’s burnt to a cinder after a heatwave, these two facts are pretty much universal. A three year old could tell you the colour of the sky and the grass.

Is this a song for children? An early learning bop for CBBC? No. This is unfortunately a song for fully grown adults. Worse still is why the chorus opens with a “she said.” WHY did she say? If I was on the holiday road trip romance that Ezra sings about on this song and the person I was taking with a journey started telling me the colours of the sky and earth on repeat I would stop the car. I would call for help. And I would go home. Quickly.

I made the grave error of checking who produced Green Green Grass – it’s not good news

I really hate this song, and as anyone with a foundational knowledge of music could tell you it is (usually) not just George Ezra solely behind a track – with the producers in the music studio conventionally being as distinctive in their style as the artist they’re working with. For example, if Pharrell has produced a song, you know about it. My personal favourite producer is Stuart Price. I checked who produced Green Green Grass, and in the style of Coleen Rooney, it’s … Stuart Price’s account.

Stuart Price has produced some of the best dance music in the world. He is responsible for producing all of Madonna’s Confessions on a Dancefloor, and ergo is the brainchild behind the likes of Sorry and HUNG UP. He produced Levitating and Hallucinate by Dua Lipa, this year he helped craft Free Yourself by Jessie Ware. Amazing songs. THREE Pet Shop Boys albums. Seeing his acclaimed and holy name next to Green Green Grass was a jump scare like no other. Truly devastated. Stuart, make it right!

Erase this song from the charts and your Spotify libraries

Please. Please end the suffering.

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