takeaway trauma

‘Found frog in burger’: Just 30 of the worst Takeaway Traumas so far

Only homemade salads and tap water for me now thanks

Sometimes, ordering a rogue takeaway is like playing Russian Roulette. You get a random craving for a kebab and cheesy chips at one o’clock in the afternoon, order from the nearest van (seven miles away) and realise, in the harsh light of sobriety, that what you’re eating is actually shit.

I speak from experience. I’ve been the person finding a pube three layers of sauce deep in a chicken alfredo pasta pot. I’ve ordered rice from a generic chain-brand-rip-off-shop only to find out the chef scoops each portion out with their bare, unwashed hands. I once found a whole TWIG, encrusted in mud, in a chicken sandwich. It’s okay. There’s no shame here.

Thanks to Instagram account Takeaway Trauma (@takeawaytrauma), those of us addicted to greasy fast food get to feel a little less alone in our pain. Here are some of the best (well, worst) reviews:

1. The kebab went in the bin

2. Looks like someone has an unrefined palette

3. Food which tastes like ‘sweaty baw sacks’

4. Rude owner who makes up insults like ‘fucknuckel’

5. Hard to argue with that really


7. The case of the stolen pizza

8. Like eating Spongebob

9. Why have you given them five stars then?

10. BARRED!!!!!

11. Ouch

12. In fairness that’s a shit-tier order

13. Get out of Shrewsbury you are not welcome here

14. Omg

15. No need!!!

16. We love self-awareness

17. Shrek’s WHAT

18. Well

19. Waste not want not Helen

20. Spell it out on the bread with the onions too pls

21. Okay now I want to know what Greece tastes like

22. Jeeeesus

23. You got a big mouth, stupid kid

24. Have them on me darl x

25. Always clean your nails before eating tbf

26. The chef loves his lobster and port wine, but it comes with a price

28. Chikin

29. Well do you???

30. Then, he found the worm

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Featured image via Takeaway Trauma before edits.