Your dad is guaranteed to say and do these 31 things as soon as he steps on a uni campus

17. He shakes all the furniture to ensure it’s structurally intact

Our parents would like to believe they are all incredibly unique. However there is something that happens when they step foot on a university campus that turns them all into the same person. More specifically dads. Mums still have some level of individuality. Some are there helping you decorate your rooms with thousands of fairy lights whereas others are crying over their child leaving them and fussing unnecessarily. Dads however – they are all the same person.

They arrive on moving in day screwdriver in hand, wearing those cargo shorts and ready to check the structure of every single part of your building. And it’s not just moving day. When they come with you to the open day they will always complain about the price of parking. Then when they come up for a visit you are guaranteed to hear the words “it’s cleaner than I expected” as they wander around your house, hands behind their back leaning forward to examine a particular mark on the wall which means you’ll never get your deposit back. And no one’s dad is any different, there must be a secret course or something they’re all sent on before they can be parents.

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These are the 31 things your dad is guaranteed to do as soon as he steps foot on uni campus:

The open day:

1. Leaves at the crack of dawn to get to the open day

2. Complains about the price of parking

3. Acts as if he knows where he’s going on campus despite never setting foot there

4. Tries to become best friends with the tour guide

5. Says: “they didn’t have this in my day” about the Liberal Arts course you’re considering taking

Moving in day:

6. He will wear those cargo shorts, you know the ones I mean, no matter the weather

7. He is the only person allowed to pack the car

8. He constantly complains you’ve packed too much stuff

9. He gets frustrated when your mum is taking pictures of said packed boot, starts looking at his watch and sighs deeply and mutters something about traffic

10. Thinks he knows the journey better than the SatNav

11. He is in charge of carrying all the heavy things whilst you and your mum fuss over pillows and plants

12. He complains about his back whilst carrying everything

13. He leaves you and your mum to unpack to go find somewhere to park the car

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14. He takes photos of the bare walls and any marks or mould to make sure you get your deposit back which never happens

15. For some unknown reason he goes about pulling open all the cupboards and inspecting them when you move in

16. He makes a joke about the single bed

17. He shakes all the furniture to ensure it’s structurally intact

18. He is walking around with a screwdriver permanently attached to his hand

19. If he’s set up a piece of furniture he will lean back, with his arms folded, nod his head and admire his work

20. He’s pushing the trolley for you whilst doing that last minute paid for food shop

21. Whilst your mum is crying her eyes out at leaving you, he doesn’t want to linger to say goodbye because he’s worried about the traffic

When he comes to visit:

22. When you offer to make him a cup of tea he’ll sneer at the lack of “normal milk”

23. Still enjoys the oat milk tea though

24. He’ll walk with his hands behind his back inspecting everything

25. Squints at things because he’s forgotten his glasses

26. Say “that’s cleaner than I expected” about 95 per cent of your space

27. However on the flip side he will definitely say this about your kitchen “Absolutely filthy, wouldn’t keep animals in there”

28. When the boiler inevitably needs fixing he will say your “landlord should be in prison”

29. Seeing bottles of alcohol discarded on kitchen table will make him say “This takes me back to my day”

30. After attempting to fix the boiler he will come back, with his glasses on his head and say “right, the situation is” and then proceed to explain some complicated thing about the boiler you don’t understand.

31. He will at some point do THE leg stretch, you know the one I mean

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