Here are 24 of the grossest things we all used to do before coronavirus
Thinking about the King’s Cup in Ring of Fire 🤢
Human beings are gross. We smell, we enjoy watching videos of other people’s spots being squeezed, and sometimes on socials we do things like drink vodka out of a shoe.
Since March, though, everything’s been different. Gone are the days when you’d run out the door five minutes before a lecture – now you don’t leave the house unless you’re armed with face masks and hand san. We used to go home with complete strangers we’d met in the SU club, but now we’re not allowed within two metres of anyone we don’t live with and, thanks to the curfew, we’re tucked up in bed by 10pm.
Here are just 24 of the grossest things we used to do, in the times before corona:
1. Sharing your water with everyone in the smoking area
“I’ve just met you whilst sitting on the dirty floor hun, but of course you can have a sip!”
2. Passing one ciggie around the entire group
See also: That one mate who can’t light their own cigs and always makes someone else do it for them.
3. Eating birthday cake after someone had blown out the candles and probably spat all over it
Buttercream with a nice side of bacteria x
4. Getting with random people on a night out
Who are they, and where have they been? Who knows, but for some reason, we didn’t used to care.
5. Getting with MULTIPLE people in a single night
“I’ve just necked four other total strangers, so what harm will one more do?”
6. Drinking from shoes on socials
Okay so this was primarily just rugby boys, and I don’t know if diseases can be transmitted via foot sweat, but it’s still rank.
7. Going on public transport and just… not washing your hands
I feel SICK.
8. All using the same pot of Domino’s garlic dip
This was invariably after a night out, and there’s always someone who ran out of pizza and started just dipping their actual fingers in the pot.
9. Every single drinking game we played as teenagers
Spin the Bottle, Suck and Blow – basically all just a competition to see who’s spit can be spread around the group the fastest.
10. Drinking from the King’s Cup in Ring of Fire
No thank you David, I am NOT drinking your backwash.
11. Okay so actually just every single drinking game we played at pre-corona uni
They all involved either licking things, swapping drinks, or daring people to neck off. Were we okay?
12. Eating without washing your hands
Yes, we all knew we should. Did we actually do it? Ha, as if.
13. Smushing right up against people on dance floors
I cannot even remember what it feels like to be jammed into a tiny club with hundreds of other people, but the thought makes me feel ill.
14. ‘Don’t worry, I’ll sky it!’
Picture the scene: You’re sat in the library, crying over the article for your seminar that you’ve read three times and still doesn’t make sense. Then you look up and see your mate desperately trying to make eye contact with you: “Can I have some of your water?” You would, you say, but you’re a bit ill. “Oh, I don’t mind about germs!” your mate says, “I’ll sky it.” You watch as they take a sip and their lips make direct contact with your bottle. They did not sky it.
15. When you were younger and your mum would lick her thumb to wipe your face
In fairness to us it was our mums doing this, and we definitely hated it and always tried to squirm away. Instead, I say this to every mum across the country: Why did you do it?
16. ‘Spillage is lickage’
Just this, as an entire concept. I do not need to elaborate.
17. Licking lampposts when they’re frozen
Why were we so obsessed with licking objects??
18. Sharing shot glasses at pres
“We’ve only got one shot glass that Lucy hasn’t smashed yet, so we’ll just pass it around everyone who wants to do shots! That’ll work, right?”
19. Using makeup testers in shops
An untold amount of strangers had used the same tube of concealer, but we needed to see the colour, so on our bodies it went.
20. Offering your lipbalm to anyone around you when you’re putting it on
Get your grubby fingers out of my Vaseline tub, Phoebe.
21. Not wiping down gym equipment
Let me just lie down on this mat and an entire day’s-worth of different stranger’s sweat, delicious x
22. Squeezing into a the club toilets with a group of random girls you found
Four very drunk girls in one tiny cubicle which barely fits the toilet itself? Of course it’ll work!
23. Hugging said girls in the club toilets when one of them starts crying about a boy
“Hun, no listen to me hun! He’s not worth it. I’ve only just met you but I love you sooo much. You are BEAUTIFUL!”
24. Standing with your face in someone’s armpit on the train
This should have always been illegal.