People are giving themselves atrocious home haircuts during quarantine

There’s a weird phenomenon occurring across the country. Whether it’s something about the guarantee of being stuck indoors for the coming weeks where no one will have to see your mop, or the mania that’s induced from being isolated for long periods at a time, people are pulling out their mum’s old clippers and going at their own heads. Perhaps it’s simply because we’re not even allowed to go to the barbers.

Whatever the reason is (not like there’s an exhaustive list, you stupid fuckers), we’ve taken it upon ourselves to collect some of the more ropey examples of isolation trims for your viewing pleasure. Let’s begin:

Lara, 22

Lara’s had a bit of a mare here, hasn’t she? In what was undoubtedly an attempt to make the hair more workable by wetting it, she’s inadvertently cut a massive triangle in her fringe. Seriously, was there supposed to be an end goal? We’d understand if she was going for a block fringe, but honestly we’re not sure what to make of this. Our best guess is you had one snip, realised you’d fucked it and gave up for half an hour before taking another photo of it dry. Oh well, it doesn’t look too hard to fix, just maybe get someone else to go at it next.

Matt, 20

The first of many on the list that sit in the “barber tried to do a skin fade and then realised how hard it is to do a skin fade” category, Matt’s had a bit of a shocker here. Starting from the bottom, it’s not looking all that bad until you work your way up to ear level, but once there, you can see that there’s been a bit of trouble trying to blend between the different guards. Let’s hope he looks good wearing a cap.

“Shit back and sides please, mate.”

Josh, 20

Josh went for the full-on bowl before it was (hopefully) shorn into something a bit more chic. I wonder whether it was a tricky choice between this and a mullet? Either way, the trim is questionable at best, and the bin bag is a nice touch – I’m sure it was very effective at stopping hair from getting all over you and the floor.

Josh was keen for us to let readers know that he has also had a few dodgy snips in the past in the name of charity, one of which is below. Hats off to the fella, he’s no stranger to a shit trim, and for charity too? Never letting my girlfriend get near this bloke:

Harry, 23

Now I’m allowed to say that this guy looks like a fucking goblin because he happens to be the person writing this article. I did myself a bowl cut back when I had bleach blonde hair and, as shabby as it looked, I kind of styled it out. This time, however, things are different, and it looks like I have a literal lid.

Add the fact that I got a rash (see right) from scraping the back of my head for half an hour with a trimmer usually reserved for the penis area, and you’ve got a great story to come out of an otherwise dull quarantine for Harry Ainsworth.

Tommy, 22

For what Tommy lacks in hair, he makes up for with the fact that he sent us a video without even being asked, and we’re a sucker for gifs at The Tab.

I mean, this lid makes him look like he has racing stripes. This is obviously no mistake, and we’re quite impressed – whoever has done him this has clearly taken time to ensure that it is perfectly symmetrical, and Tommy himself looks positively chuffed, if not a bit stuck with it. Sack your usual barber mate, this new one is on some Edward Scissorhands bullshit.

Ollie, 22

Ollie come on mate, I know we’re all in quarantine but was there really any reason to do yourself like this? The short-haired gentleman just isn’t supposed to even attempt a mullet, and this photo should be shown to everyone that thinks otherwise. At least you got the trim with the other chap in the photo by the looks of it – somebody won’t be lonely during these isolated days ahead 🥺

Jim, 20

Jim’s girlfriend Lydia sent us this photo, so reading this article will either be a pleasant surprise or an argument in waiting. If it’s any consolation, Jim, your trim is one of the better ones on this list due to the fact that you haven’t foolishly gone for the fade. Yeah, it looks like too much has been taken off one side, and that fringe has seen better days, but overall there’s nothing to rinse you too heavily about, which makes us deeply upset.

Not impressed? Send your quarantine schlid to either of the following for a chance to be featured:

@ainsworthharry

[email protected]

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