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If you wore any of these things in 2017 you committed a crime against fashion

Maybe we should have just skipped this year


This year, everyone decided to undo all the good work we had been doing since the fashion crimes of the noughties. I thought we had all settled on wearing nice, comfortable, flattering clothes, but now that Brexit is happening and Trump is president we've decided to regress.

A lot of mistakes were made this year. We've worn a lot of things that we should all regret. Here's a few to leave behind in 2017.

Kitten heels, which should never have come back

I thought we all agreed that kitten heels were a thing of the past? Why am I now seeing women walking down the street in teeny weeny tiny kitten heels again? Go away.

Theresa May should not be your fashion icon.

Cut out shoulders/asymmetrical tops

Aren't you cold? Aren't you worried about your tan lines? These kinds of top just scream indecision. Wear sleeves or don't. End of.

Man rompers

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I'm not convinced these are actually a trend, I think someone just invented them and it got written about a lot online. I don't think anyone in the world who isn't writing an experience feature would actually purchase and wear a man romper.

Air Max 95, Balenciaga, other any other horrifically ugly trainers

Air Max 95s should have been left in 1995, they have no place in the modern world. The trend for wearing horrible trainers is at epidemic level and for some reason, being chunky is cool now.

Really long t-shirts on boys

They just make their legs look really short and I don't understand why anyone would want that.

Low waist trousers, which even Kylie Jenner can't pull off

High waisted jeans are good. They have helped us. They made our legs look long, they held our bellies in, they made our crop tops look less slutty. Why is fashion trying to take this away from us? I demand answers.

Overly branded clothing

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Having GUCCI over every item of clothing doesn't make anyone look more stylish, it just means that they have bank account issues and no taste.

Flatform shoes

I can see the attraction here, a little more height without the discomfort. However, being three inches taller doesn't actually make you look any better or make the outfit any less casual.

Jeans that try too hard to be different

Remember when skinny jeans were literally the only thing you were allowed to wear? This was too much pressure to fit in, but it sure was a simpler time. Now I'm seeing girls walking around in flares and low waisted super baggy jeans and I'm questioning everything. Don't even get me started on the cropped baggy flares that make my legs look two thirds shorter.

Then you've got the embroidered flower prints and the ironed on flame patterns, the diamante studs, the excessive rips (in really weird places). These all need to hastily return from whence they came.

And on that note, fishnets under ripped jeans

Choose one. Please. Indecisiveness isn't sexy.

Weird hair colours

Everyone can express themselves however they want and be whoever they want to be. But what are you trying to be? A unicorn? There are too many hair colour designs that are "inspired" by nature and outer space and a multitude of other random things, and all I can think is, this must be seriously damaging your hair quality.

Top knots, which can't STILL be a thing

Just because professional footballers are doing it, doesn't make it okay.

Boys shaving their heads

I don't mind if it's in order to remove a topknot

Marble patterned accessories

Nice laptop case! Nice phone case! Nice notebook! Nice kitchen worktop!

Rose gold everything

How about we just stop pretending we're grown up and call it pink.

Weird slogans on t-shirts and sweatshirts

"Too busy to talk, stuffing my face pizza!", "If you're not a pug don't even fucking talk to me", "I love coffee so much I would literally die without it!!!!!"

Clear plastic clothing

The panels on those Topshop jeans, the weird raincoats, the bags that show literally everything inside so that a pickpocket knows what's worth his time, and, of course, the Yeezy boots.

Overly oversized clothing

Tiny people or really large jumpers?

Weird eyebrow trends

The wiggle brow, the barbed wire brow, the CHRISTMAS TREE BROW?! Can someone please tell me if these videos are real or fake I don't understand.

Sheer insert leggings

Wearing gym leggings used to be an opportunity to be comfy and still look good but now the fashion is to also have loads of skin on show meaning I have to feel bad about my pale, hairy legs even when they're covered up.

Socks with sliders

This does not a roadman make. What if it rains? Your socks are going to get very wet indeed.

Fluffy sliders

My question is, are these for indoor comfort, or for looking cute outdoors? Surely no one should make that much effort on a pair of shoes that never get worn outdoors. They would get ruined immediately.

Unicorn accessories

We GET IT. You're mystical and cute and love purple and pink and you want your purse and your phone and your drink from Starbucks to match. Have a day off.

A Fitbit/Apple Watch

So healthy! So sporty! So fit! Such a dickhead!