Can anybody tell me why students do all these weird things on a night out?

It’s not a night without never have I ever


The student: permanently huddled under the duvet, eating pot noodles and living off the state – according to stereotypes. But that’s way off. Spending longer arguing over Ring of Fire rules than actually playing it, throwing up so you can drink more and pissing in the street, here’s all the things students in the UK do on nights out. And nobody really knows why.

PERFORMING MENTAL ARITHMETIC HARDER THAN YOUR DEGREE IN THE SHOP TO GET THE MOST BOOZE FOR THE LEAST MONEY

Before just giving up and buying the same thing you always do.

PLAYING DRINKING GAMES THAT CAN ONLY LEAD TO SOMEONE CHUNDERING OR EVERYONE HATING EACH OTHER

For as long as students have drunk, there have been drinking games. Few know where they came from, or even why they remain a tradition, but students carry on performing these bizarre rituals until half the room are vomiting or the whole room hates each other.

SPENDING LONGER AGREEING ON THE RULES FOR RING OF FIRE THAN ACTUALLY PLAYING IT

For the uninitiated, Ring of Fire involves spreading a deck of cards face down in a ring around a glass. Each card, be it a 7, 8, or King, has a rule attached to it, which must be carried out by whoever draws that card. Only, everyone has their own rules, and before the actual game starts everyone needs to be on the same page

By the time you’ve all squabbled and written down the rule next to each number on a wet bit of A4, the tension is building.

CHOOSING A PERILOUSLY LOW NUMBER IN ODDS ON TO LET EVERYONE KNOW YOU’RE A LEGEND

Combining the thrill of the casino with the glamour of the pub, odds on can be sprung on an unsuspecting victim any time. Simply shout ‘odds on’, and the person must state their odds, say 10 to one. Both participants count down from 3, then name a number between one and 10. If the numbers match, the victim must down their drink.

Three to one? You’re hard.

BEING FORCED INTO AN IMPOSSIBLE CHOICE BY A ROUND OF ‘WOULD YOU RATHER?’

Would you rather orgasm every time you hear All Star, or every time you orgasm All Star plays out loud?

FORCING A MATE TO DOWN BOTH THEIR DRINKS FOR THE SIN OF BEING DOUBLE PARKED

The bar might be busy, but the punishment for foresight is drunkenness.

REVEALING YOUR FRIENDS’ DIRTIEST SECRETS BY STARTING A GAME OF NEVER HAVE I EVER

Nobody have ever been able to resist drinking when they’re guilty of whatever somebody has said after the words ‘never have I ever’. It’d make trials a whole lot easier, you know.

SAVING THE QUEEN BY DOWNING A DRINK

Until contactless kills it off, students with a good aim and a spare penny can ruin friends’ nights by chucking a coin in their drink, forcing them to down it.

PANICKING WHEN THE TAXI COMES AND DOWNING YOUR DANGEROUSLY STRONG VODKA CRANBERRY

I thought you said it’d be here in half an hour?!

INSISTING THAT THREE LITRES OF FROSTY JACKS AND A BOTTLE OF SQUASH IS A REAL COCKTAIL

More than one ingredient and a small shake does not a cocktail make.

MAKING BEST FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE ON YOUR COURSE, ONLY TO COMPLETELY IGNORE EACH OTHER IN LECTURES

Once alcohol has stripped your inhibitions away, you’ll be introducing yourself to everyone with a vaguely recognisable face. After waxing lyrical about which lecturer is bae, there’s always a pact to stop ignoring each other and actually sit together.

Sober up, and you’ll be lucky to get a nod of the head.

KEEPING ONE PRECIOUS CAN UNTOUCHED TO SERVE AS A ROAD BEER

Only to let it get warm and discard of it like it never meant a single god damned thing to you.

STRAWPEDOING A BOTTLE OF WINE AS THE PRICE OF ENTERING A STRANGER’S FLAT

Conserving alcohol and student nights out are two incompatible things.

PROMISING TO BUY SOMEONE A DRINK IF THEY PAY FOR YOUR TAXI, KNOWING FULL WELL NOBODY BELIEVES THAT ANY MORE

By rights, this barefaced lie should be called out every time it’s said in the back of a taxi, but somehow it’s almost comforting to hear those words and know that you’re about to have a night so good neither of you will be able to find each other, let alone remember this pact.

BEING SICK PURELY SO YOU CAN CARRY ON DRINKING

Somewhere along the line, expelling your insides came to be known as ‘tactical’, and ever since, throwing up has stopped being a mark of weakness and became a badge of honour. When a friend throws up unannounced, they don’t crumble. No, they rise, wiping their mouth and going about the rest of their night with renewed vigour.

STARTING CHANTS TOGETHER WITH THE RIVAL UNI AND FEELING LIKE YOU COULD SOLVE WORLD PEACE

Uni of and the poly might have our differences, but an ability to bellow “OHH JEREMY CORBYN” for five minutes is not one of them.

PISSING IN THE STREET WITHOUT A CARE IN THE WORLD FOR SOCIETY’S ‘RULES’

Get a degree, they said, and the world will be your oyster. Wrong. The world is your toilet.

CHANTING ‘WREEEEEEEEY’ EVERY TIME SOMEONE FALLS OVER OR IS FORCED TO DOWN THEIR DRINK

Have you ever heard a drunk person try to pronounce schadenfreude?

LOSING AN EYEBROW FOR THE STUPIDEST REASONS

It’s all fun and games at pres, but once the sweat starts dripping down your forehead and into your eyes, you’re as confused as the rest of society is as to why this is even a thing.

ACTING LIKE A BOSS BECAUSE YOU’VE MANAGED TO BAG VIP

It’s literally just a few seats and some fizzy wine, but you feel like you rule the roost.

EITHER PUTTING FAR TOO MUCH EFFORT INTO A FANCY DRESS COSTUME OR NOT BOTHERING AT ALL

It only goes one of two ways: hours spent planning an outfit and conforming to the theme, or a piece of paper sellotaped to your body that tells everyone who you’re meant to be. For some reason, there’s no middle ground between the hilariously lame and the impressive.

SACRIFICING YOUR BEST BED SHEETS FOR THE CAUSE OF TOGA

Freshers love nothing more than putting safety pins in their brand new bedsheets and setting off for the SU, only to return with stained sheets and a disappointed mother.

SPENDING LONGER IN THE SMOKING AREA THAN IN THE ACTUAL CLUB

The smoking area is always more crowded than the actual club, and can never provide the space and fresh air that its inhabitants crave. In spite of this, it’s the place to be, a one stop shop for reunions, vomiting, sitting down, and perhaps even, maybe, smoking.

TAKING PRIDE IN DRINKING AS MANY TOXIC, FLUORESCENT VKS AS YOUR POOR INSIDES CAN MANAGE

In normal circumstances, alcopops with a sugar content to make your teeth melt would be off the menu. Step inside an SU, though, and to have anything else in your hand is blasphemy of the highest order.

BUMPING INTO A SEMINAR TUTOR AND GETTING A ROUND IN

Well, they might as well understand why you always turn up unable to function on a Thursday morning.

LOSING YOUR VOICE SCREAMING ALONG TO MR BRIGHTSIDE

Mid-2000s Indie rock had its high points and its low points (sorry, The Feeling), but seldom has a genre produced a more rabble-rousing anthem than when the Killers birthed Mr Brightside. As the opening riff jangles over the speakers, friends turn to each other, strangers embrace, and grow ever more raucous, with the room coming together through shouts of “JEALOUSY”. There’s simply no regard for what it’s doing to your vocal chords.

And then it’s back to normal, until…

WHEN SANDSTORM COMES ON YOU BRING OUT THE FIST PUMPS

It’s the song that turns a normal, pedestrian evening into one to tell the grandkids. Everything seems to be winding down, and then..DUDUDUDUDU

Mum, is this what the 90s were like?

CLINGING ONTO YOUR CLOAKROOM TICKET FOR DEAR LIFE, YET MAGICALLY LOSING IT WHEN IT’S TIME TO GET YOUR JACKET

Minutes feel like hours in the end-of-night cloakroom queue, but it’s worth it for the sweet embrace of a coat on the walk home. Pity the poor soul manning the booth as you drunkenly try to persuade them to give you your coat because, in your infinite wisdom, you’ve lost the tiny little raffle ticket you needed to reclaim the only thing protecting you from the elements. And your friends are waiting.

For a hassle-free retrieval, leave an expired discount card in the pocket just so you can prove the coat’s yours. You’re welcome.

ORDERING MORE FOOD THAN YOU COULD EVER EAT AT 3AM AND WAKING UP NEXT TO IT IN THE MORNING

The mayo has dried but the chips are soggy. No time to think about this mystery, there’s eating to do.