It’s time someone said it – Gordon Ramsay deserves a knighthood
WHERE’S THE LAMB SAUCE
Britain is in a pretty difficult position in the world right now. Over the last few years, we’ve really been dropping the ball in terms of our global standing. You don’t need me to tell you everything that’s gone wrong, it’s playing out in front of our eyes all day every day in a never-ending cycle of elections and referendums and polls and Tim Farron and hiding in toilets and bigotry and it’s all just a lot.
For the time being, most of the world still looks at us as a pleasant, quaint little place, where men wear bowler hats and we all know the Queen. But we’re in danger of them discovering the real Britain, the Brexit-voting, mustard chino-wearing island where a kebab is something to be proud of. We need a brand overhaul, a big old PR push to stop the mask from slipping.
And who better to lead this than Mr. Gordon Ramsay?
The firebrand chef, famed for his astonishing broadsides, is truly the closest thing we have to a brand ambassador for our country. He travels the world, shouting, swearing and threatening to decapitate all those who don’t meet his impeccable standards. He’s not afraid to stand up to Americans, to call them “useless sacks of fucking yankee-dankee-doodle shite”, to take every excuse to remind them they used to belong to us.
He’s who we wish we could be at work, at uni, in life. He says what he fucking means and he means what he fucking says. In any situation in your life, you would come out better if you acted like Gordon Ramsay. Your food not quite perfect in a restaurant? Call them a useless cunt and send it back. Your boss wants you to work overtime? Scream at him ’til he admits you’re the head chef. Your mum says you don’t call her enough? Ask her why the bass is FUCKING RAW.
But he’s not just an impeccable professional role model. Aside from his violent rage-filled outbursts, he’s someone that has genuine concern for the people he helps. In many ways, not unlike Princess Diana, he is the People’s Chef. The community outreach he does in Kitchen Nightmares, attempting to help the poor deluded restauranteurs of the world scrape back a shred of dignity, is truly British values at their best. When he stops a man in Hemel Hempstead running a carvery out of an old Church, he has their interest at heart, not his own. When he comes to the aid of a failing Italian bistro in Northern California, where they’re trying their own, horrible take on a Lasagne, he’s doing it to make the world a better place, purging one freezer at a time.
To my mind, there is no-one better suited to claw back some pride, some honour for our great nation. I challenge you to find someone more savage, more inspiring, more British, than Gordon Fucking Ramsay to save our great nation. Rise up Sir Gordon, your time is now.