Here’s where to take your situationship in the Toon

The situationship. Not quite a relationship but not quite a stranger you ghost after one VK. It’s delicate and undefined. You want to keep things interesting, but not so intense that you accidentally catch feelings.

So, if you’re navigating Newcastle’s most confusing stage of romance, here’s exactly where to take them based on how much you care (or don’t).

Jesmond Dene

Perfect for the “we need to talk” chats.

Nothing says emotional manipulation like a scenic stroll complete with mini waterfalls and historic buildings along the Ouseburn.

Jesmond Dene is a faultless spot for deep chats or walking in uncomfortable silence.

Plus, it’s the ultimate hangover cure, perfect for when you both need to touch grass after drunk confessions.

It gets extra credit for the cute café at the end and the wholesome market that makes you feel like a couple (even though you’re absolutely not).

Tynemouth Beach

This is for the dramatic situationships only.

Windswept hair, staring into the sea like you’re in a breakup montage that hasn’t happened yet. It’s very Wuthering Heights.

You can grab food at Riley’s Fish Shack, soft-launch your charm offensive with a beach BBQ, or commit to the bit with sauna-to-sea heat therapy.

Keep in mind the added benefit that if things go south you can just pivot to a solo coastal walk to romanticise the break-up immediately.

Top tip: Get on the right Metro. Nothing kills the mood like accidentally ending up at the airport.

Cinema

For when you don’t actually like them. Sorry if you’ve been asked on a date here but it’s the brutal truth.

On the bright side, sometimes the best date is one where you don’t have to talk. Your only responsibilities are to sit, watch, and occasionally pretend to laugh at the same parts.

It’s ideal if the chat is a bit dry, because at least afterwards you’ve got built-in conversation.

Pleased To Meet You

Full disclosure: I’ve only ever been here on dates with my mum. Multiple times. Which could say a lot about my love life or rather how insane this roast is.

Objectively, though, this is one of the best Sunday roasts in Newcastle. We’re talking ambient lighting, unreal food, and just enough intimacy to make your situationship pause mid-Yorkshire pudding and think, “Wait, what are we?”.

Taking someone here is a bold move. It’s soft launching the relationship, but maybe the kind where you only want a boyfriend on a Sunday.

And then there’s the desserts. Get the cheesecake and thank me later.

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Even if the situationship doesn’t survive the week, the roast absolutely will so it’s a win-win situation.

St James’ Park

High risk, high reward… right?

Taking a situationship to the football is a brave choice. This is your perfect opportunity to mansplain the offside rule in a live setting, albeit  absolutely at your own risk.

Best case scenario? You’re bonding over a shared love of the Magpies and screaming chants. Worst case? You’re throwing a tantrum over the ref’s decision while they nod politely and quietly reconsider everything (the ref can’t hear you babe).

Expect big emotions and a rollover hot dog for dinner. It’s not exactly romantic, but if it works, it really works. If it doesn’t? Congratulations, you may have just given them the ick.

Lane 7

Competitive flirting is always a safe bet.

If your situationship is hanging on by a thread, or painfully undefined, Lane7 is the ultimate distraction. From bowling to arcade games, there’s enough going on to keep things fun and firmly avoid any conversations about feelings.

This is your excuse to flirt over drinks and games. Nothing says romance like getting weirdly competitive over bowling scores, celebrating like you’ve won the Champions league, and immediately ordering another round.

It’s also the perfect test: are they actually fun, or have you just got carried away by convenience? The music’s good and the energy’s high, which naturally sets you up to extend the night. Maybe go for a drink after if things are going well. And if they’re not? You’re in town. Taxis everywhere. Easy escape.

Tup Tup Palace

The pre-arranged Wednesday night sneaky link that is anything but sneaky. The Palace is where situationships blossom.

There’s nothing like Tup Tup after a sports social. Jägerbomb stains are down your top, and your face paint is melting but it’s ok because your situationship is thriving.

Tup Tup on a Wednesday is a Newcastle student tradition. However, this means there’s a strong chance you’ll bump into multiple familiar faces so proceed with caution.

You’ll make a grand exit through the draped curtains like royalty after an unforgettable night… even if you’re leaving with a Medic.

Osborne Road

There’s no two ways about it, this is a hard launch.

You’re guaranteed to see everyone, coursemates, housemates, teammates and side characters… especially if you end up in Blanc.

It’s giving public debut with zero prior discussion, bonus points if it’s part of a Thursday afternoon rollover.

Ouseburn Day Party

Loud music to drown out any possibility of deep chats.

A sunny Saturday at an Ouseburn Day party is ideal. The weather is warm and the music is loud enough that you physically cannot have the dreaded conversation, and the drinks mean you won’t want to anyway.

Be a diva on the dancefloor, bond over too many pints, and let the chaos carry the connection.