This is what every Taylor Swift album would be as a Barbie from the movie

Evermore is Midge, I’m not sorry

1 year ago

With the extraordinary success of both Taylor Swift’s Eras tour and the Barbie movie, people are recognising that there is a huge market for making women and girls feel validated in the entertainment industry. In other words, people are starting to appreciate our silly little girly things.

And here we are at the point of intersection of these two beautiful universes, the list you never knew you needed, but now undeniably do: Every Taylor Swift album as a Barbie. Forget Barbenheimer, this is the crossover of the decade. Unfortunately, as no TS songs made the cut for the movie, this is as much as you’re going to get. You’re welcome.

Debut (Taylor Swift) – Mermaid Barbie

via YouTube and Warner Brothers

Take one look at TS’s first album cover and this will make complete sense. 16-year-old Taylor gives such just add water vibes with her crimped blonde hair and floaty blue dresses. Dua Lipa pops up every once in a while in the movie to remind us she exists, and so does this album. I just know Mermaid Barbie would sing the original lyrics to Picture to Burn and it would be so iconic.

Fearless – Stereotypical Barbie

via YouTube and Warner Brothers

Just like Margot Robbie is stereotypical Barbie, Fearless is stereotypical Taylor. It’s the album that a lot of us grew up on and a part of us will always remember her this way.

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Just as TS rewrites a classic ending to give us Love Story, Barbara rewrites her ending too. Plus the all-pink cowboy outfit that Barbie first acquires in the real world is far too yeehaw for any album that came after the day Taylor just decided to drop her country accent and never talk about it again.

This would also be Ken, he’d been crying to white horse in his Mojo Dojo Casa House. The horses are the only part of the patriarchy that is welcome here.

Speak Now – Physicist Barbie

via YouTube and Warner Brothers

This album is a physicist’s dream – sparks flying, electric touches and all those fireworks. You know the part where Physicist Barbie gets brainwashed into putting on a maid’s outfit, that’s based on a true story – it’s called Dear John. This one was also partly swayed by the fact that I can totally see (and would love to see) Emma Mackey crashing a wedding.

Red – Depression Barbie

via YouTube and Warner Brothers

Self-explanatory (10-minute version).

My only elaboration will be that Depression Barbie was created by the hand of a childish man lashing out, and for that reason alone, Gyllenhaal gives serious kenergy.

1989 – President Barbie

via YouTube and Warner Brothers

This is more for a feeling than for any specific reason but this album is just POWERFUL. It marks Taylor Swift’s full transition into the pop industry, an amendment to her constitution if you will. The squad was like her very own congress made up of supermodels, much like the Barbie government, I imagine.

Reputation – Lawyer Barbie

via YouTube and Warner Brothers

Reputation is about restoring the natural order and bringing about justice. 2016 was a dark dark time to be a Swiftie and this album tilted the stage back in the right direction. Karma is in fact not a cat, but a Barbie, Lawyer Barbie.

Lover – Weird Barbie

via YouTube and Warner Brothers

This might seem like a dig, but it’s not, I promise. Weird Barbie was one of my favourite characters in the movie and Lover is one of my favourite albums. I just can’t get out of my head how much Weird Barbie would love ME! and You Need to Calm Down. A true queer icon.

Folklore – Writer Barbie

via YouTube and Warner Brothers

This title has to be reserved for arguably Taylor’s most lyrically thoughtful album. And just as Writer Barbie’s beautiful words secured her the Nobel Prize in literature, the masterpiece that is Folklore secured Taylor the Album of the Year Grammy. If you had to use a thesaurus on multiple occasions when you first streamed this one, you are not alone.

Evermore – Midge

via YouTube and Warner Brothers

These two are the underdogs. Midge was discontinued and had only a few seconds of screen time, and Evermore is overlooked in the same way. No long Pond Studio sessions, no birthday wishes from her creator; the only difference between Midge and Evermore is that Midge would not get nearly as much running time if she had a segment in The Eras Tour. I might also be subconsciously profiling her because her red hair is very evermore coded.

Midnights – Doctor Barbie

via YouTube and Warner Brothers

A Doctor Barbie for a Doctor Taylor Swift. This Barbie is assigned to the Midnights era because of her honorary doctorate in fine arts from NYU which was awarded to her shortly before the album was announced. In true TS fashion, her speech featured easter eggs that hinted at unreleased music. One of the songs she hinted at was You’re on your own, kid which has a similar message to the Barbie movie about female autonomy and independence.

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