David Cameron ‘had sex with a pig’, but we’re angry because Corbyn sat on the floor

In the biggest scandal to rock the leader of a major political party since piggate, Jeremy Corbyn has sat on the floor of a train carriage.

Corbyn had been reading a newspaper on the floor space in between two carriages and was filmed making the case for the renationalisation of our overcrowded and overpriced train network.

Subesequently, in a move that has sent the internet and media into meltdown, the train company has released CCTV footage showing Jeremy Corbyn walking past unreserved and unoccupied seating, creating a backlash towards the man who argues for “Straight talking honest politics.”

People are still trying to figure out the motive behind the release of the footage by billionaire Virgin Trains owner Richard Branson, who would stand to lose a lot of money should the train networks be returned to public ownership.

Corbyn’s team have hit back at the allegations of dishonesty, trying to explain to people how trains work. That when trains arrive at stations, sometimes people get off and seats free up.

If there weren’t any seats available, Jeremy should really have gone to the front of the train and sat in the driver’s seat – after all, that’s what a real leader would have done. If he can’t drive a train, how can he drive the economy forward?

When the news broke last year that then Prime Minister David Cameron had allegedly put his “private part” in a dead pig’s mouth, his leadership was not questioned to the same degree that Corbyn’s now is.

The key difference is that when David Cameron supposedly succumbed to peer pressure to perform the sexual act on the porky creature, he did not back down, he did not cower, he did not sit on the floor. He did what any strong leader would do. Taking, in this case the boar, by the horns. Then thrusting.

If the Prime Minister can escape a scandal of allegedly having intimate relations with a farm animal but Corbyn faces outrage for making the case for a policy that the majority of public opinion agree with, it’s time for us all to give up.

He could have guaranteed himself a seat by upgrading to first class, but nobody ever does that, because then you have to seat with the idiots who pay way more for basically the same seat.

Let’s pause for a moment with two images in our mind:

A gentle, old man who enjoys riding his bicycle and doesn’t think nuclear annihilation is a great idea, curled up on the floor of a train carriage reading a newspaper.

A rich, Eton boy at a posh dinner party being forced to put his sausage inside the thing that makes sausages.

Let’s round up what’s wrong about each of these situations:

Jeremy Corbyn is accused of lying about being forced to sit on the floor of a “ram-packed” train, despite fellow passengers backing the Labour leader’s claims.

A billionaire railway tycoon, potentially illegally, releases CCTV footage of a politician who has pledged to return his business operation to public ownership.

The Prime Minister of one of the largest economies in the world puts his dick in a dead pig to impress his mates.

But yeah, let’s all hate on Jeremy. That seems like the logical thing to do.