This is exactly which Formula 1 team every University of York college would be

With the 2024 Formula 1 season back in full swing, there’s only one question that’s on our minds. No, it’s not “who’s going to win this year’s championship?” and, even if you’re feeling a bit more realistic, it’s not “who’s going to come second to Max Verstappen and Red Bull this year?” either.

The real question is “what Formula 1 team would my college be?” and I’m here to answer that question for all of you.

(Well, almost all of you. I’m sorry, Wentworth, if only F1 hadn’t rejected Andretti…)

James – Red Bull

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Starting off with the sport’s most dominant team at the moment, what college is better fitted than sports fanatics James? Their sporting abilities aren’t the only thing worth envying – being one of the only colleges that offer catered and ensuite accommodation, James gives off that “you hate us ’cause you ain’t us vibe” that Red Bull undoubtedly have.

Derwent – Ferrari

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Now, hear me out with this one… In the same way that Formula 1 isn’t Formula 1 without Ferrari, York isn’t York without Derwent. Being one of the first colleges at York, home to the iconic lakes and York legend Long Boi himself, you can’t deny that Derwent has that same main character energy and legacy that Ferrari has.

Langwith – Mercedes

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Mercedes are known and loved for their star Lewis Hamilton and, some might say, are nothing without him (enjoy him while you still can, Toto). I would say that the same goes for Langwith and Glasshouse, because, let’s be honest, what else does Langwith have going for them besides having the one and only student bar on Campus East?

David Kato – Mclaren

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Being the youngest college in the university, the team with the youngest driver pairing is perfect for David Kato, encapsulating Lando and Oscar’s youthful and lively energy. Even their college colours match with the team’s iconic papaya – it’s simply meant to be.

Constantine – Aston Martin

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Constantine perfectly captures the essence of both of Aston Martin’s current drivers. The team is affectionately dubbed as the “retirement home” for world champions like Vettel and Alonso, and Constantine has retirement homes of its own in the form of the returners’ townhouses. As for Lance Stroll and his endless contract, well, no college screams nepo baby more than Connie.

Alcuin – Alpine

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Let me start off by saying condolences to any Alpine fans out there, my heart goes out to you this season. Now what I think makes Alcuin Alpine, besides from their similar sounding names (pronounced “al-peen” for the non-F1 fans), is the fact that they are victims of the most overused jokes ever. I swear you hear ‘Alcuin is quiet’ and ‘Alcuin is boring’ as much as you see “liked by Pierre Gasly” or “five sec penalty for Ocon”.

Goodricke – Williams

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The humblest of all the colleges on Campus East, Goodricke goes hand in hand with Williams, who finished a humble P7 in the constructors’ championship last season. Both Goodricke and Williams have a rich history, with Goodricke being the one of the oldest colleges and the first of the Campus East colleges, and Williams having been founded back in the 70s and winning nine constructors’ championships since.

Anne Lister – RB

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Having recently rebranded, I think RB is perfect for the other of the newest colleges, Anne Lister. With Hugo Boss being one of the team’s main sponsors, the drivers look effortlessly gorgeous in their attire off-track, just like Lister’s fancy hub. As for the people themselves, I feel like everyone I’ve met from Anne Lister is naturally entertaining, just like RB drivers Daniel and Yuki.

Vanbrugh – Sauber

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Vanbrugh is known to be the artsy college and Sauber’s drivers are certainly ones who love artistic expression. With Zhou always showing up to the paddock with the most stylish fits and Bottas experimenting with his hairstyles (and dabbling in calendar-making), Sauber is the perfect fit for the college that neighbours the music department and is the home of jazz nights.

Halifax – Haas

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Being the grid’s only American team, Haas is a little bit of an outsider compared to the rest of the European-based teams, just like Halifax is an outsider in Campus West. As for the drivers themselves, they are the epitome of wholesome when they are in their element as girl dads, and I can see that wholesomeness in the Halifax residents I’ve met, being some of the most caring people ever.

And there’s your answer to what Formula 1 team your York college would be. Apologies if you’re not happy with your team, let’s just hope they make the most of the rest of the season to improve…

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