A definitive guide on how to design your Tinder profile
PSA to all guys on Tinder, from us girls x
In a world where love stories don’t pan out the way you want them, like in Love Actually or Notting Hill, a lot of lonely, hopeful students turn to Tinder for some help in the love department.
While my time on Tinder has been brief, I have come across a few patterns when it comes to the pictures guys upload of themselves, and so it seems only necessary I offer my tips in the hope that I can increase the matches of some of my fellow comrades in the revolution of love.
And with Valentine's Day fast approaching, this is THE perfect time for a profile upgrade that will guarantee a date, even if it's only a cheeky Spoons.
Can we keep the group pics to a minimum plss
We get it, you’re popular. But we’re here to swipe on Tinder, not play "Where’s Wally." This includes photos taken in a Fibbers mosh pit. Nobody is a winner in those situations.
No more gym pics!!
Like, please. Especially those mirror pics, when you're surrounded by weights. We get it, you're proud to be part of Hes East rugby. Do you want a prize? Because unless the prize is me, I don’t want to hear about it. Oh and on that note, maybe stop flexing in every picture to the point where you’re on the verge of popping a blood vessel. Please don't cause injury in your efforts to impress. Low-key flattered tho x
It's 2019, let's up the photo quality now
It’s officially time to up your game when it comes to the quality of your pictures. We’re not expecting magazine worthy photos but come on. Not only do red eyes in pictures look like you took it with a disposable camera back in 2004, but also if I were into that I’d go and watch Edward in "Twilight" or join FetSoc. And a fuzzy night out pic may look edgy af but honestly if I wanted to look at blurry, dark photos, I'd be swiping without my contact lenses or drunk on the rotating dance floor in Pop World.
I don’t usually pay too much attention to this, but there’s a fine line between using relevant information and essentially writing an essay. Save something for the messaging. But honestly, what’s up with one-word sentences like "dogs", "music", "rugby"? Sounds like you just pulled an all-nighter in the library and those were the only words you could form.
There's only so much zoom a girl can do
Ever heard of the phrase "size matters"? Before you get too excited, I’m talking about how small you look when you post a picture from about 3245 miles away. Yes, Central Hall does look like it's come straight out of a Star Wars film, but in the mean time I'm just hoping that's not the case with you. That’s quite hard to work out when you look the size of a breadcrumb on my phone screen.
And now we come to the good ol’ mirror selfie. Standard for most people, you'll rarely find a profile without one. But here’s a little tip. Try to look a bit less aggressive in them. It’s a picture for your tinder profile, not a mugshot for your criminal records. Save those expressions for your student cards. Ooh and when it comes to the number of photos, the more the merrier. Why would you only post one? What are you hiding? For all we know, we could be the stars of a new "Taken" movie.
Single father of two or?
Pictures including kids is a bit of a grey area. On the one hand, yeah, I guess it’s kind of cute, but with the confusion of whether or not its yours, you may as well have a picture of Gandalf shouting "You shall not swipe right". It's kind of like seeing a bunch of geese on campus. They look cute and innocent from afar, but what happens if they come near you?
Man's best friend
Last but not least, having a dog is not a substitute for a personality. Yes it could bump you up from a 6 to a solid 8, but what good will it do me if it doesn't actually live with you at uni? Or can that be arranged? Honestly you'd be winning at a first date if you brought your cute dog along. I'm already there.