Confessions: York students reveal their best drunk stories

Alchohol seems to give people the ability to do some weird shit



Nights out create the perfect opportunity for bad decisions and reckless activity, and everybody has that one outrageous story that they hope doesn’t come up in ‘Never Have I Ever’ at predrinks. We went out to find out the best of the worst. 

Fake names have been used, for obvious reasons.


“At a house party my friends handed me a bottle of piss and I was so drunk that I tasted it without even questioning it.”


“I got so drunk that I tried to order a McDonalds in French. I don’t even speak French.”

Je voudrais un Big Mac?


“One time my friend was filthy drunk and wanted to go back to the club. I offered to make sure she got home safe. She then went up to strangers telling me she wanted to go home with them. I told them she wasn’t okay, and she told them I was creepy. She then went home with some randoms and when she realised what she had done she sent me snapchats mouthing along to Justin Bieber’s ‘Sorry’.”


“I was going home with someone and mentioned not wanting to get with freshers. Turns out he was a fresher. However it was all okay because he had taken two gap years, so we were the same age, we spent the journey back talking about these gap years and all was good. A few weeks later I spoke about it to someone who knew him – he had not taken any gap years, he was 18 and fresh out of school… I guess he must have been talking about those two gap years between school and uni… Sixth form.”


We’ll just go for a quiet cocktail…


“When drunk on a social, I got excited by the one other person who was wearing a black t-shirt, and proceeded to scream “you’re black!” In his face, before realising he was actually black, and now quite angry.”


“I drank so much that I didn’t see a problem with giving a guy a hand-job in Mansion. Needless to say, I did not feel the same way about it the next day.”


“I once went home with someone, despite my friend telling me he was going on a date with them the next day, I also covered him in love bites… I don’t think their date went too well.”


“My housemate had just had sex with her one night stand and came into the kitchen to get some water. She wasn’t wearing many clothes and thought she had flashed her vagina at me, so to make her feel better about it I showed her my penis, it was only the shaft so it’s okay. While this was going on her one night stand was still next door blissfully unaware.”



“I was getting with someone in Salvo, I looked down and noticed that he was wanking. I was so drunk that I didn’t know what to do so I just turned around and carried on dancing with my friends.”


“I left a house party with some bitch, she was giving me a blowy, but it was really boring and I was a bit lashed, so to get out of it I chundered and went home.”


Consuming this many Mojitos justifies my actions, right?


“On New Years Eve I was drunk and crying because I thought I was going to die, I was outside a church so, naturally, prayed to the angels to save me. Then a homeless man came over and had to slap me in the face to convince me that I wasn’t going to die.”

You alright hun?


“I left a club with a girl and we were walking back to mine arm in arm, about five minutes before we got back to mine I decided I needed to get a takeaway so left the girl to run to Efes and never saw her again.”


“I was in Society, then I can’t remember how I got there, but the next thing I know I’m getting fingered in the shambles outside the teddy bear shop.”

Classy as always, York.