Six types of liabilities you’ll have to deal with on a night out

There’s always someone that can’t handle their drink


Going on a night out in Notts requires extensive planning of what, where and why pres will be somewhere, which club can be tollerated by everyone, and what is eaten after. With tickets purchased weeks in advance, one little fuck-up can turn the night into a disaster, this is where the liability of the group comes into play.

The liability is usually the guy/girl who becomes hassle and general embarrassment when drunk. Whether you were once the liability, or know of someone that is one, they are an integral part of your group, and ultimately, uni life. There are six types of liabilities. No more, no less. And if you can’t recognise one, it’s because you are a liability.

The one who can't handle their drink

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This type of liability ruins the night before the night has even started

Everyone can get excited about a big night out. But it is hard to sympathise with your mate who's fucked themselves in pres for not getting their ratios right. Drinking-game-turned-where-is-David-going-to-chunder-next can be a usual scenario for this liability. And if he's had a bit too much in the club, you're sure as shit going to have to drag him back to halls because no cabs are going to pitty the both of you.

The one who actually never had tickets in the first place

Don't be dejected and wait in a queue that you'll eventually leave

Tickets cost money and require hand-eye coordination and speed to ensure you swag four for your mates for a big Crisis night. No one in their right mind will warrant queueing for obscene lengths of time whilst you and everyone you know is in the club already cutting shapes away. You didn't drink your livers worth, but you'll definetly end the night short because you need to pee and the bouncer won't hold the queue just for you. Joanna will get antsy you didn't make it in, but you can only blame yourself for that one.

The one that always loses their cards/keys on a night out

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Still in one pieces, but many pieces lost somewhere in the club

It might be hilarious looking at every idiot on Buy/Sell who lost everything last night, but you can't gaurantee that it won't happen to you. First, it was your keys that somehow went amiss after you flushed them down the toilet, then your contactless which could be in Loughborough right now, and then your student ID. You'll resort to an embarassing plea for help on Buy/Sell, your course mates, and your housemates in hopes of reclaiming your possessions.

The one who goes wondering off

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Lost in the club but found a lovely wig x

Pres went well, with flying colours, taxis were arranged and sorted, and you get to Pryzm right on time – not too dead and also just as the party has started. You go to the bar, order the cheapest single you can find, and within minutes you're long gone, maybe at other bars, maybe chatting up girls. It's now your mates' job to go searching for the liability that you are because it was your destiny to wander off in search of every bit of fun you can gather.

The one who gets off with someone and leave 5 mins in

You're inconsiderate at best, selfish at worst. It was supposed to be a boys night with the Warwick boys but instead Henry decided to leave 5 minutes into you literally arriving at the club and now is pestering you for your keys to your house. What happened to vodka lemonades and Mr. Brightside with the boys; you let your horniness take control and messed up the night. Poor form.

The one who doesn’t buy their round

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All chummy when it comes to receiving, but providing drinks seems impossible to some

You've been treated to free drinks all night by Georgia and Steve but when it comes down to your round to pay, you're all quits quoting 'money issues' or just dodging their turn. It's not a crime to have a cheap night but the promise of free drinks comes with the responsibility to deliver free drinks to you mates.