A definitive list of the best places to cry in Nottingham on Valentine’s Day
The tears go on tour
If, like me, you are more single than a Pringle this Valentine’s Day, and you are at a loss of what to do with yourself, fear not. In my many years of life experience, I have gathered a lot of wisdom in order to help get you through the most depressing and disgusting holiday of the year.
For my fellow single sisters and lonely lads, I have whittled down the top 7 places to go cry on Valentine’s Day this year. Because, why would you just sit and mope in your room when you can go outside and bask in your loneliness and let everyone know that you hate yourself almost as much as this holiday? The list is as follows below:
The white girl watering hole: STARBUCKS
As the embodiment of the basic white girl, where else would I recommend to go cry other than Starbucks?
In order to remind you that you have neither a 6, a 9 or a 69 in your life, everyone’s favourite coffee chain have generously and lovingly brought out the Valentine’s menu. This year features a molten hot chocolate, which if lives up to its name, can hopefully be thrown at all those stupid lovey-dovey couples, definitively letting them know that they are extremely inconsiderate and rude. It’s not OK to be happy, OK?
Also, with a Starbucks right on campus you don’t even have to travel far to find yourself some liquid comfort on this stupid and isolating day.
As an English student, I already spend a lot of time crying in the library, so it’s a pretty convenient place for me on Valentine’s Day, just as it can be for you. Immerse yourself in unrealistic books about love and romance (like seriously Shakespeare, as if a Romeo would kill himself for Juliet when I’m over here and I can’t even get a text back) and forget about the fact that Nottingham is a mecca of vapid fuckboys interested in one thing, and one thing only.
Your halls shower
Likewise, the shower is a great place to visit in order to forget your problems, whether they be life or boy related. Not only does it hide your tears but it will also make you smell nicer which will hopefully boost your chances of finding a significant other. Even if you are happy with your single status, the shower is just a nice place to spend time and reflect on life regardless.
Next on my bucket (full of tears) list is Church, (yes, I am a good girl, I went to Christian school). Whilst we may be young, free and single, in the wise words of literally every fucking lecturer at uni, it’s never too early to start planning your future. So, if like every other overly dramatic teenage girl, you have given up on romance, love or relationships, fear not, plan B is waiting for you. Just become a Nun. At least then you don’t have to worry about what to wear every day and the only man you gotta worry about sliding into your prayers is Jesus. HALLELUJAH.
If all else does not go to plan, and you still have tears to shed, the only place I would recommend is a night out, preferably Crisis – adequately named to reflect your love life. At least then when you start crying you can pretend it’s the alcohol and not your inner emotionally unstable girl coming out. Are you even a basic single white girl on a night out if you don’t sit on the toilet of a club crying about the fuckboy of the week?
The Savoy Cinema
If your love life is about as busy as a 9am lecture, fear not young one, because why live it when you can watch it? Look no further than your local cinema as the perfect place to go cry this Valentine’s day. With the perfectly timed release of Fifty Shades Darker, you can distract yourself for a couple of hours from the monotony of your Valentine’s Day and, instead, dream of Mr Grey.
The Cat Cafe
Nottingham’s Kitty Cafe is fucking awesome. Who needs boys when there are cats on earth? Period.
So there you go, those are my top picks for places to go cry on Valentine’s Day. Remember you are a strong independent woman/man who don’t need a man/woman, but if you do find yourself lonely and wanting a valentine this year, I won’t judge you if you send yourself a card and roses, because let’s be honest, the struggle is most definitely real.